Tweetietouille~!

Random Bird Talk

2010-04-11T17:54:00.009+08:00

Oh wow, its been at least 4 months since I wrote anything here!! And guess what got my attention? A comment by Sweet Pea.....

Dearest Sweet Pea... You're indeed so sweet! Sometimes I just need a kick in my wobbly butt to get something done, and your comment definitely got me motivated at once to write something... ANYTHING!!!!! So, I hope you'll be pleased and I hope to get to know you and interact with you some day! ^.^

That being said, this would be a post of all things random....

My New Job:

Yea, where I last left off, I finally landed a new job. It has so far been SUPER DUPER BUSY and yet it has been fun. There was not a boring day at work, in fact, everyday brings its share of surprises... in the form of problems and challenges. Nay... I'm not the kind who would say to people in the interview that I love challenges.. but I love to fix problems. So, in a way, the problems are still keeping me motivated at work.

It has been a complete culture shock moving from a MNC environment into a local organisation.. and Club environment. It's the first time I need to deal with employees who are unionised, employees who falls under the "rank and file" category.. who are in the F&B industry etc. The set of problems are really challenging, and also can be heart wrenching... I honestly wonder how long I would last. But at the moment, I am still inspired, and I feel I could make positive contributions, and will still give it my best.

The months of December to March was crazy! It's the madness season for HR dept with all the tasks, issues, and events - including the annual Staff Party. I'm glad to have Sylvia as part of the team to tackle all these, and she's been a blessing. After 4 whole months of burnout, my body finally crash.... that's why for the whole of this week, I've been home on sick leave. Asthmatic bronchitis, sinus infection, spiral fever... all hit me at the same time. Even right now, my brain's a little drugged because of the cough medication. Somehow I don't feel that I'm "flowing" in what I'm writing. I think when I read back on all these later, it's all gonna sound disconnected. hohoho....

Tomorrow I'll be back to office again, and there's gonna be lots waiting to do. I just hope I'll be able to cope and things would really be more regulated.

Phuket Holiday in May!

Yeah... I'm looking forward to a Phuket Holiday with my darling Jeff in mid May. He was approached by the Marriot Club (those time-share kind of club where they would want you to invest in some packages or at least force you to sit and listen to them for 2hours) and offered a 4 days 3 nights stay at a resort in Phuket, at USD250. We thought that is a good deal, and decided we will take on the offer, and will sit through their 2hours "introduction" when we are there. I've never been to Thailand, so of course, never been to Bangkok or Phuket.. I just hope that whatever unrest that's happening right now in Thailand would subside by next month. Jeff told me that Phuket is a distance away from the heart where all these are happening and we should not have much to worry about. Oh well, I hope so! And I hope that I will be fit enough to enjoy the holiday!

My new toy : the iPhone~!

Hehehee.... another thing which have been keeping me entertained and occupied is the iphone 3GS. After Jeff got his in Jan, I got mine not long after... and since then, I've been distracted. Though I do miss many features on my SonyEricsson phone (e.g. the multi-tasking, the ease to convert any mp3 sounds to alarm or ringtone, the cybershot camera functions, the ease to transfer songs and other files via bluetooth etc.), the fun and practical applications available for the iphone helped to balance it. I'm adaptable, I suppose, hehehehee...

Well, at least I've experienced the iphone gadget. Right now, I'm just a little concerned about how I'm gonna backup my data on some of my applications should the iphone fail me one day. I've not done enough research on this device..

A Walk at the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve Park :

Sigh.... weightloss has so far been unsuccessful and I've not been exercising since I started work. This would be a lifelong battle but I hope that I can build in more time for walks and swims. I need to keep 10kgs off in order to take the strain off my back, knees and ankles. Yes, I'm guilty of procrastinating and guilty of not watching calories and all. Darling has been sighing silently at my weight gain and I know it.

Thanks to this whole week of being sick and loss of appetite, my weight dropped by 1kg to 67.8kg. hahahaha... OK that is still sad. As of June 2008 I was merely 57kg. So, I am definitely in need of shedding 10kg, and that is not yet even the ideal weight. Ideal weight should be about 55kg. Oh well, if I can go down to 60kg, I'll already hold a big celebration.

Anyway, last weekend, before I fell sick, we managed to do a walk-in-the-rain trip to Bukit Timah Nature Reserves. It was fun!! This was Jeff's first ever trip to Bukit Timah Hill~! We took the blue trail first, that being the shortest and easiest. We had 2 cans of Asahi Beer which we bought for the trip and we drank 1 can after reaching the end of our 1st route. After which, we walked the main path, explored a little on one of the side paths in the woods and decided it was a little too tough for my knees and turned back. Upon getting back to the starting point (Visitor Centre) , we decided to take a look at the Hindhede Park as well. Oh what a pleasant surprise when we came to the quarry lookout point! The air was misty and I felt as though we have came to a different world. Took some pics and had some fun with the camera too!

Oh yes, I'll post a few here :

Somehow I couldn't shift the photo sequences after I upload, donno why, but heck la~! Either blogger has done some changes or I've forgotten the correct way to do so~

The misty Quarry lookout point at Hindhede Park:

The trail (main road) leading back down :

At our 1st route Destination : where we drank our 1st can of Asahi

Camera Fun at the Quarry Lookout point:

Camera Fun at our 1st Route Destination :

MacRitchie Reservoir Park Walk :

This reminded me too, haha, that the week before - we went to MacRitchie Resevoir for a walk as well. It came about as a random spontaneous idea and Jeff welcomes it.

Hence, we put on our exercise shoes and drove over. Mum came along as well....

It's been so long since we've visited the place and it is so different! Definitely the place to go more often.

We took Route 2 - Purple trail that goes around the water edges and greeneries. The walk took about 2 hours, and it was great fun! I really enjoy walking in "nature", having the trees to look at, the scenery, hear the birds singing, and anticipation of something new and unexpected.

Along the way, we saw a monitor lizard (or whatever it is) swimming and gliding gracefully in the water. Yes, I got a picture of it!!!

After the 2 hour long walk, we sat down near the kayak station for a rest before heading home and enjoyed the sunset.

That's darling standing at the bottom left corner :

Then, we even witness a monkey running to a group of shrieking ladies and robbing them of a bag of Calbee pototo chips, LOL~!!!! That was truly awesome! Wish I had taken a video of it. However, I managed to have a blur shot of the monkey though....

The monkey running off with it's loot :

The monkey enjoying crunchy chips :

Routine Routine Routine..

Life somehow have settled into a routine for me...

I wonder if I've lost personal flavour?

Hmmm... guess not. However, I must not let life settle into a rut.

I guess that's all for now. It's a good start. I shall be more diligent to blog.. because it is my memory lane. I can't be too lazy!!!!!

SO... Thanks again, Sweetpea, thanks for the nudge!

Cheers~

Tweetie!

Starting a new job!!!

2009-11-30T23:31:00.003+08:00

YEY!!!! I'm starting a new job tomorrow!!! 1st December 2009.

Finally!

2 weeks ago I was contacted for an interview. It was for a HR Manager position at a local Sports Club. I'll call it the KKKK* - for urrrmm.... confidentiality purposes, because I am not sure about how seriously the Company treats matters as employees blogging about their work & office! Hence I better not spell the name of it in full in case it was googled, haha!

For the past month from 26 Oct till 27 Nov, I've been working part time at GZ as a temp HR Admin staff. It has been the best working days of the year, considering that I've only worked 3 months at the Cosmetics Company. I am so grateful for the temp job at GZ because the pay, though humble, helped pay my critical bills and tide me through. Moreover, I have so many "angels" at GZ who have been my best friends and close buddies - I was so well taken cared of and made to feel at home there. Deep inside, I wished I could work permanently for GZ should any position open up.

However, I am also grateful that after 2 interviews, I was offered the position at KKKK and at a comfy salary. It will not be a bed of roses and the job will have its challenges, but I am very positive about it and hope that the job will be enjoyable and a career that may last me for years, providing me with job security and income stability. And importantly, IT'S A HR JOB!!!!!!!! (No more Secretarial bullshit for me!!!!!!)

So, tonight, I just wanna pen these happy thoughts down and then get on with preparing for tomorrow, and have an early night.

TOMORROW'S GONNA BE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^

* KKKK (Kinkapore Krick Kret Krub)

Believe in love, Together

2009-11-30T02:01:00.003+08:00

As Jeff and I begin planning for our future together, I just wanna state this:

I will be brave and have courage to press on and make it happen together with him.

Despite anymore resistance and unnecessary negative or pessimistic opinions of my mum, I will believe in my happiness and future with Jeff.

I am surrounded with friends and love ones who fully support us and I believe that things will work out in the end. Love will triumph.

But I must be strong to stand through it. My heart will be strong, I will not allow anything to tear me down. The more challenges come my way, the deeper I will dig my heels into the ground and brave through it.

I just wished that it doesn't need to be so difficult or unbearable.

As of now, I can't wait to be free and live my life with Jeff and create our own world and enjoy our own space. Though we did not yet have the plan and steps all thought out, but I believe that together we can will be able to work things out.

We do have some obstacles now, financially, but I hope that in the coming 6 months we will be able to iron out the issues. We may not have a lot of cash to spare, and we may not be able to afford a lot of comfort, but I do believe that life will not be too bad either.

This may just be yet another emotional moment bcos of the unpleasant conversations I (again) had with mum, but I'm sure in the morning, things would be alright. We'd probably have forgotten what we've said. However, my heart is set. NO ONE WILL STOP ME.

Yes, I am stubborn, and I just have to be able to make my own mistakes and live with it, right?

I really don't want to have to proof anything to her. I only wished that she can be happy for me. Sigh.. What a wet blanket.

I am soooOOOOOO pissed off I won't be able to sleep tonight. Grrrrrr~!!!

My true love, Jeff

2009-10-08T04:05:00.003+08:00

I love Jeff.

Its as simple as that.

He has been the one who was there for me.. in my most difficult moments, and he's been there by my side since the day he took the courage to woo me.

Since then, he has always been consistently caring, loving, pampering, supportive and sweet.

He sends me an sms every morning.

He calls me every night.

He spends time with me every weekend.

He puts up with all my nonsense.... ok.. most of my nonsense. I'm not an easy bitch to handle.

He has been the only guy so far who has proven his love and faithfulness to me.

There is no other reason why I would not marry him when the time comes.

And most of all, I believe things will work out between the both of us.

He is the most wonderful and sincere man, whom I know I can depend on.

I love you darling, thank you for loving me.

.... and thanks for the Carlsberg Special Brew 8.8% which inspired me to post this. hahaha....

Muacks~!

Wrong shoe for me!

2009-10-07T17:41:00.006+08:00

Got up early this morning for the final interview.

Mum was very kind to send me to the office location at Alexandra Road and I was there at 9.30am, half an hour early. So, I bought myself a hearty cup of Americano at Starbucks and sat down for a slow drink while reading my thriller noval by Nora Roberts.

Went up to the office 5mins before time and was attended to by an attractive long hair lady. Shortly, I was informed that the Regional HR Director is on a conference call and so I waited for approx 25 mins at the Reception Area. It was a nicely decorated space which also functions as the pantry, with a nice set of sofa furnished like a living room with a wonderful view overlooking the Pasir Panjang coast. I stood at the glass wall and enjoyed the view for awhile, and then sat down to continue with reading. Glad I brought the book along.

Today, I went armed with the objective to find out all I can about the job and the expectations directly from the potential boss, as well as to see if she would be someone I can imagine working with. Also, I hope to have a chance to see the office and to have a feel of the work environment and culture if possible.

I was glad when the Interviewer - the Regional HR Director - came to receive me and took me to her office for the interview instead of holding it at the huge conference meeting room. She seems friendly and approachable, dressed plainly in a jacket and pants with no makeup on. Walking through the office, I managed to get a good take of the office setup - a very open office with small workstations and very low partitions, literally no privacy unless you are of managerial level sitting at workstations with slightly higher partitions. Only the Director level sit in rooms that are also rather small, in my opinion. Generally, the office seems messy and cluttered.

The interview lasted slightly more than an hour. During which, the Interviewer was quite honest with me in her assessment of my capabilities and experience. She revealed that she was not too impressed with my competencies nor was she interested to interview me when she was first presented with my CV. (-_-") However, upon receiving positive feedback from both the Asst HR Manager and the Hong Kong HR Manager, she decided to meet me - it seems, they like my personality, despite the fact that I am not as experienced and qualified as other candidates.

She also explained to me her concerns and the importance of having someone who is very well versed with the latest changes in labour employment laws of Singapore as well as keeping oneself up to date with all the latest practices and regulations in the HR Field, for all markets/regions especially Singapore. She also require the person to be knowledgeable and able to manage the computation of taxes, compensation etc even though the company may engage consultants or outsource agencies to manage it. She also would expect the person to hold the fort for all matter in the Singapore office, hence must be able to answer to any questions or issues posed by the expatriates who expects HR to have the answer. For all these, I do agree with her. And clearly, I am not the person for the job - if she's looking for a Plug-and-Play. The job would be too big a shoe for me to fit in. Or, wrong shape.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, she did not indicate clearly if I "made it". She shared that it has been rather difficult to find good candidates who meet requirements and so far she has not come across any whom she thinks is good enough. Also, she has some negative opinions and observations about how Singapore employees tend to operate, which is very different from where she came from (Hong Kong). She asked me to consider carefully if I want to take up this challenge, and to write her an email tomorrow indicating my desire for the job. I was kinda surprised by that, because, it is rare for Employers to ask candidates to "think about it". I guess, she wants to gauge my hunger level while she continues to interview the other shortlisted candidates.

I have to be honest to myself.

I don't think this job is attractive on many counts.

What I like:

I can start work immediately and money-money come!!
The company operates in an interesting industry
There is opportunities to learn and grow in my "career"
Boss has an open direct and honest style and believes in growing and training people
The role enables me to have flexibility and independence in exercising personal judgement and make decisions.

What I don't like:

Job is challenging, expectations may be beyond my ability to perform
Boss is demanding with high expectations, critical and little patience
Boss is doubtful about my competencies and experience. No point working for someone who does not believe in me, neither do I want to become someone's mistake in selection.
Long working hours are expected. The last Asst HR Manger on the job works till 11pm almost daily though the Boss felt it was not necessary. (I asked if she knew why the last AHRM needed to work so late and did she investigate why. She gave me a blank expression and told me she has no idea nor did she probe for the reason, other than just being given the answer by the ex-AHRM that she "has a lot of work to do". Hmmm..... I see some "issues" here which sends my warning bells ringing...)
Salary & Benefits for this role (below managerial) is tagged to the blue collar industry, hence not very attractive
There is no AWS or 13th month, and the variable bonus has not been paid out for the past 2 years because the industry is not doing so well
Workspace is small and cramp - looks rather unpleasant & uncomfortable for the staff. Also a possible sign that "cost savings" is vital factor

Sigh... I guess, I should explore other opportunities rather than to grab this one out of desperation. I don't have a positive feeling about it and I probably should follow my "instincts". I don't want to have to quit one month later and feel like a failure.

I just hope that suitable opportunities matching my abilities and expectations would open up. I do see quite a few in the job market now, but somehow none of the applications sent out received a respond or lead to an interview appointment.

Nevertheless, I will not give up searching. And I must not be discouraged.

Life is a highway!

Love this song from CARS, the music just roll in my head for the past few days ever since I read the blog of a Singapore Taxi Driver who introduced it.

Hope you'll feel inspired by it too! ^_^

A Failure in her eyes

2009-10-07T13:37:00.003+08:00

Another day out with mum which ended in a fight.

Words can kill and words can heal. Why is it almost every time that her words kill?

I got home and sobbed in the bathroom while taking a quick shower. Returned to my bedroom and cried my heart out for another round. Thanks to Kevin Kern, the soothing piano pieces brought back some peace to my soul.

Would mum ever be happy for me?

As far as I could remember, it is rare that anything I do, or I am, would be good enough for her. I guess, like most kids, I grew up yearning for my mum's approval. My brother has always been the better one. And me, the bitter one? Nah, I was not bitter, however, I know I was always second best or a failure in her eyes.

When I became a Christian, the love and acceptance of God healed me of that brokenness and need. I begin to find my personal identity and self acceptance. Nothing else matters anymore, other than what might be pleasing in God's eyes. I so wanted her to be proud of me, when I began to write songs and play music well - though she'll always remember my failure in not completing my piano lessons.

I don't blame her either. She loves me too, I know. She has hopes for me, and wants my life to turn out more fortunate than her own. But I always seem to fail her. I didn't do well in school days, but managed to complete my studies. Then, I started working and finally reached the level of a Manager, drawing a good salary - but short-lived. Now, I'm back to a failure, unable to secure a high paying job at a managerial level. On top of that, I am fat and unwanted and unhealthy, and so she thinks that prevented me from getting the attention of eligible bachelors. OK to be fair, she's not so shallow or materialistic, it's just her overly-concerned motherly love and hopes for me to marry well. She was happy last year when I put off 10kg and started looking quite attractive, but now, I'm a hippo.

What triggered off the fight today was our conversation after lunch. We went to Sunset Way for lunch and was just agreeing with each other on how ideal and nice that neighbourhood was. So she brought up the subject that according to recent reports, many young couples were unable to purchase HDB flats because they were unable to afford it due to rising prices. So she said, I should really plan for it with my bf quickly. I told her, it's not that we want to delay, but rather, we have our own issues to settle first - I need a stable job and income whilst Jeff has to settle his personal business matters. It takes time to save up as well. What pissed me off was when she remarked that I'll be in dire straits if I don't have a job because Jeff won't be able to provide for me, so I should consider ending it and find someone else before it is too late.

That's when I blow up. I accused her straight off for looking down on him, which she denied. She was being realistic and protective of my interests, and told me that any mother would have been disapproving of their daughter ending up with someone who would potentially make their daughter live in poverty and need. Moreover, if I were to become pregnant, I'll still have to work to support the family - and she feels sorry for herself that at her age she still have to work and earn a living whilst some of her sisters and friends who married well lived easier lives - especially my cousins, most of them married very well. So she wonders, why am I so unfortunate in every aspect? Jobless, no savings, poor health/fitness, and a bf that does not seem very successful or enterprising.

I jumped to Jeff's defence, of course. It is not fair for her to make those statements. She have not known him for the man he is, and since she was critical right from the start, there is no way she would ever try to see the good in him - it won't ever match up as long as she compares him to her benchmarks. Hence, I told her that nothing will ever be good enough for her. And I declare that it is unlikely that I will "go find someone new". Also, I told her, that I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never be good enough for her either. Some way or another, I'll always be a failure - and she usually would say that it is her own failure as a mother that I am in my state today.

Anyway, today's fight opened up old wounds. I have spent my youth in a strong inferiority complex, and probably the shame of the family whilst my brother is the shining star. He did well academically (he works very hard and was also under a lot of pressure to perform), went to University, and is now rather successful and recognised in his career. I am very very proud of him.. I love my darling brother very much.

I wish, I could have something to prove. But I don't.

I don't have savings.

I don't have any income because I don't have a job right now, and neither do I feel I have sufficient credentials to land another high paying high level position.

I don't have a rich & successful boyfriend to show off or to put her worries off - but I love Jeff and I believe we can build our life together though it may not be in luxury and glamorous living. Our life together can be simple joys and basic comfort. We will work out the problems together, and I am braced for it. Of course, it would be nice if he earns a fat income and I can just be a tai tai and spend money without any reservations, but I really don't feel that a person should be defined by what he earns, nor should happiness be defined by how much you can spend. Yea yea, money is not everything but you cannot do without it either. I know.

Whatever it is, I just hope that things will work out for me.

I felt so broken just now, confronted with the failure of my life. All the setbacks and disappointments. The pain of losing so much money and zero savings due to foolishness in my past - for lending beyond my means and ending up in a debt that took me almost 10years to clear. Now, I am debt free but still zero saving due to career woes. Losing my job or taken on the wrong ones and have to quit, as a result causing extreme worries to my parents, mum especially. Sigh...

I really want to walk out of this situation. I still believe and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still see the glass half full. I still have the courage to march on, come what may. I still have not given up on myself despite the failures that come one after another. I just hope that God would be merciful and gracious to me, and open the way for me to walk again on higher grounds.

I still count my blessings. I will not let this get me down. I fought too hard to be the person I am today. I have to be extra KNS and have extra faith in myself in order not to fall into inferiority complex. I have to be extra optimistic in order not to let those around me who are negative drag me down. I have to be my own cheerleader and be the one who is most loving towards myself. I will have to speak words of life to myself when others speak fear and destruction.

Things will get better. I believe it. So shall it be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As usual, once I've calmed down and cooled off, I'll send an apology for the words I've said to mum. Yes, its eating humble pie, but she's my only mother and she said those things out of love. Though I wish she could take things more optimistically and not be so uptight and neurotic, I would have to accept her as who she is, as much as I hope to be accepted for who I am.

Sigh...

Regular Bird Talk

2009-10-06T18:56:00.001+08:00

Was chatting with BeeBee the other day about blogging, and suggested that when we donno what we wanna write, a good idea would be just to write the first 10 random thoughts that came to our mind. In order to practice what I preach, I'm gonna do that now!!

(1) Job Hunt

So far, the job hunt has been rather active and I've been contacted by a few recruitment agencies for potential jobs. Other than the one with the Flavours & Fragrance industry - which turned up silent, I've only been to one more company for job interview last Thursday. The company is in the airlines products & services industry and the job is for a replacement of the Assistant HR Manager who is leaving end of October. I've cleared the initial screening feeling very positive and enthusiastic about the potential job. However, the next day, after a phone interview from their HR Manager from Hong Kong, I have second thoughts. The picture painted was entirely different and caution bells started ringing. In addition, I need to do a HR Proficiency test that really stressed me out because a few of the questions are too technical or advanced for my knowledge & experience. I felt kinda lousy about the inadequacy but was pleasantly surprised today when I was told I did well on the written but need improvement for the technical questions. So, I passed the stages and am invited for a final interview tomorrow morning - will see how it goes. There's lots to consider regarding this job and I have my reservations...

(2) Neck strain

Urgh~ the back strain was gone not long ago and now I got myself a very bad stiff neck. Not sure how it got so severe - I could hardly turn my head or move without throbbing pain that felt like toothache on the neck and shoulder blades. Even my jaw feels retarded and it affected my speech. At times I felt nausea too! I suspect it must have been made worse last Friday due to all the stress when I was rushing to complete the HR proficiency test for the job interview. Before that, I already had a little bit of stiff neck starting up most likely due to bad posture leaning over the laptop for long hours at my desk. Went for Tui-Na treatment massage yesterday and paid another S$400 for a 10-hours package. The condition did not seem to have improve, so I'm applying the heat packs now and hope it'll help some how. I hope it'll be much better by tomorrow, because I don't wanna be like a zombie at the interview!

(3) Dating Anniversary

Time flies, and this Saturday, Oct 11th would mark the 1st year anniversary since Jeff sent me his love letter applying to be my boyfriend (Application for PR in my Heart) and I agree to start dating him first before considering a relationship, haha! Looking back, it has been quite romantic. Jeff has won my heart in so many endearing ways and have been consistent in his affection and concern. Though we have our ups and downs and differences, our relationship has been overall , a positive and growing one. I am grateful for his love and long suffering, wahaha! Hopefully this weekend we can have a celebration together. We've been rather busy or exhausted from daily toils of life, and our health has been quite bad - having flu, cough or all sorts of pains in the body. Signs of aging? haha!

(4) Jeff's 1 year Smoke Free Anniversary

Speaking of anniversaries, it was also Jeff's 1st year "Smoke-Free" anniversary on 23rd Sep 09. I think this was the biggest sacrifice he made that moved me to the core. It is certainly not easy for anyone to just quit smoking overnight and never light up again. Jeff shared with me sometimes he would have nightmares of lighting up and smoking and the immediate bulks of guilt and failure that fill his soul, only to wake up with cold sweat and realised its been a bad dream. Awww... poor baby. Though Jeff did not quit smoking entirely for me (he did it for himself as well - for health and cost savings reasons, haha~!), I will always be grateful that he quit smoking in order to be "eligible" to be my potential boyfriend, hahahaha!! That's because I once told him casually (when we were still "just friends") that I'll never consider a Smoker because I am allergic and super-resistant to the cigarette smoke fumes. I'm very proud of his achievement and endurance, and I hope he will continue to gain health and fitness as a result. Happy Smoke Free Anniversary, Darling!

(5) Finances

Kinda shocking to realise that in this year alone, I've only worked for 3 months (and at a low pay). How to survive that??! And right now I'm living on what's left of my final pay and if I don't get an income soon I'll have to start converting my $5 notes collection and some other sentimental savings (e.g. Ang Pow money collection). Or, to terminate monthly recurring expenses like SCV Channels, Broadband, Mobile phone, Insurance etc. Or, I'll have to borrow from my parents. NO WAY!! I really hope I don't have to come down to that state. Sigh.....even my dear brother is helping to pay the Maid's levy. Sobsob... In the meanwhile, I've signed on to a "Make money online" site and paid USD25 to enrol into a Online Survey network thingie. Supposedly, if I sign up with different market survey companies and participate in their invitation to do online consumer surveys, I can earn $$$. I participated in a few so far but finds it rather time consuming and tedious. However, it is a good experience as well. Each survey can take 30-40mins of my time depending on the length and content, and the reward is around USD5 each, which would eventually be paid into my paypal account. I've not done enough surveys to get paid, I think. But I'll still try to do more and test out this source of income. I have not figured out how to be paid in SGD yet. I won't know what to do with a USD cheque drawn to my name!

(6) Books

With the spare time as Miss Singapore Idle, I am glad to have the pleasure of reading books from my favorite author, Terry Pratchett. Picked up the book "Bromeliad" from the North Point National Library and had a wonderful time chuckling and smiling away with the wordplay and witty lines from the book. Too bad I didn't get to finish the book though, it was overdue and I have to return it in order to avoid paying fines. Grrrr... in the end, I still hadda pay 15cents fine for 1 day's overdue. Wanted to re-borrow the book but it was not available at the Bukit Batok branch. Nevermind, will hunt for it again soon. So then, I picked out 2 more books. I'm now reading "The lost diaries of Adrian Mole" by Sue Townsend, and another book by Nora Roberts titled "Angel's Fist". I love Nora Robert's books too!!! She's a great author for romance, suspense & thriller novels.

(7) Kilograms

Hehehe... still unsuccessful in losing weight. Have managed to kill about 2kgs but it seems to just jump back up to nearly 70kg again. Well, discouraging, but not a surprise to me at least. I know I've not been dieting or exercising enough to see an impact. But, really, for the sake of health and fitness, I need to kill 10kgs in order to function normally again. The knees and ankles have begun their complains, and I do feel the lethargies of an overweight hippo. Back problems are reoccurring and that makes me worried as well. Yea, I got mum, dad, Jeff worried over my weight issues too. Mum and dad has been rather annoying in their nagging and reminders, and Jeff is wise to keep a low profile on this matter knowing he doesn't want an attack from an angry hog. Sigh.. must try harder.

(8) Facebook

I guess I'm officially addicted to Facebook. It is where I spent most of my free times during weekdays, in between online job searches and other daily activities. I could play the addictive Bejeweled Blitz game for hours trying to beat the higher scores, do visits in Pet Society to earn coins, do illegal jobs & gangs fights in Mob Wars etc. hahahaha... Also, it's kinda nice to keep up with what friends are sharing in their pages. I just hope that I'll get a job soon to keep me busy with the right things, rather than to while away my time on Facebook every day.

(9) TV

Years ago, I was a TV Addict, haha! That's before I started online chats and network sites. Then for at least 3 years I literally don't watch TV programs anymore due to working late or internet activities... Right now, or rather this year, I have time on hand and a new TV in my room, my TV addiction was rekindled. hahaha!!! Well, not so bad lah, its just that I now have the luxury to catch up on TV programs. So lately, I've been watching and following the Singapore Idol, Survivor : Samoa, Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, CSI, Monk, Dexter, and many other TV series on local channel and SCV Cable channels. Life is good!

(10) So much to do, so little time

Yea, I'm the queen of procrastination... haha! I really must spend less time online and begin to clear all the boxes in the living room from my ex-offices. I have lots of reference materials for HR work, the office supplies I bought and brought to use at work, the books and display items etc. which I have nowhere to store in my room. So they've been sitting outside and mum has been nagging about it periodically. I can't really throw them because I might need them for my new job. In other to make room for them, I'll have to do some more spring cleaning and throw stuff out. Have done some "moving and reorganising" recently because of the air-con flooding, and I was glad to have Jeff's help. I must plan again to settle these things before I start a new job. My bad! hahahaha!!

Ok, 1o things already. Supposed to be 10 random sentences and it became 10 paragraphs. Nevetheless, its been fun just blogging. I love writing!! Too bad I dont know how to earn money with it. Yea, I know about Nuffnang and Adsense stuff, but I doubt my blog would be of any interest to people to generate income.

Last thought:

I hope that my neck strain will be gone by tomorrow morning, and I hope that the interview will go well and be offered the position. I hope that whatever I learn from tomorrow's interview would be positive and I would be happy to accept the job offer without much hesitation and reservation. I hope they would be able to pay me at a reasonable rate too. All the best!!!!

Not your usual Quotes - So cheeky!

2009-10-01T15:20:00.004+08:00

Haha... this came in my email today and I chuckled over a few of them. Hope this bring you a smile or two as you read it too! Damn~ I missed all these witty wacky stuff!!

NOT YOUR USUAL QUOTES:

Money is not everything. There's Master & Visa.

One should love animals. They are so tasty.

Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.

Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise one never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.

Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.

"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.

"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk?

"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours!

When two's company, three's the result!

Faithful and True

2009-09-30T17:59:00.003+08:00

Was having a moment of desperation and despair over my recent situations..

Aimlessly playing games on Facebook killing time, while surfing the online job sites searching and applying for jobs.

Even when I had received a call this afternoon to go for a job interview tomorrow, I was thrilled for only a few minutes, and apprehensive about the favourable outcome for potential employment.

Heart still heavy, from within my mind and soul just springs the words.. "My redeemer is faithful and true". I began to sing this song, a favourite of mine, and tears just began streaming down my face as emotions overwhelm me. I can't describe all the thoughts and emotions that filled my whole being, nor the presence of God which seemed to just surround me at that moment. I know that moment my heart just broke before the Lord, my Redeemer.

I sang the song and wept for a bit. My heart is grateful and I know God touched me and comforted me. Thank you, God.

And here's the song, I found on YouTube. The original was sung by Steven Curtis Chapman, and I first heard it 20years ago by Bobby Michaels. However, I think this guy played and sang it well enough. There are quite a number of it posted, including one sang 'live' by Steven Curtis Chapman himself.

LYRICS:

As I look back on this road I've travelled

I've seen so many times He's carried me through

And if there's one thing that I've learnt in my life...

It's - my Redeemer is faithful and true

Chorus

My Redeemer is faithful and true

Everything He has said, He will do

And every morning His mercies are new

My Redeemer is faithful and true

And in every situation

He has proved his love to me

When I lacked the understanding

He gives more grace to me

(back to chorus)

There's a verse 2, but currently, only the above are what's ringing in my soul.

I will trust in God's faithfulness. He is faithful even when I am faith-less.

God is a good God.

Over-worrying Mum

2009-09-22T12:52:00.005+08:00

Sigh... I'm so frustrated!!!!

Mum had seemed heavy hearted lately and I almost could see the overnight-aging-effect on her countenance. All her face skin just seemed to be darker and saggier.. that makes me wanna quickly buy her a bottle of Estee Lauder's "Advance Night Repair Synchronised" - their latest product - to use. Or SKII, or some other anti-aging products that work miracles!

However, deep down, I know that giving her all these top-notch beauty products will not work as long as she over-worries over everything. And I know that I am one main source of her worries.

So today, during lunch, I asked her what's been bothering her lately.. did anyone said something that hurt her feelings deeply? ... Is she worried about her sister (my aunt) or other relatives?... did my bro disappoint her in anyway?? etc..?? And I am prepared that the first thing she would bring up is - YOURS TRULY. And Bingo~!

Yea, mum said that no one has hurt her feelings, no one is frustrating or disappointing her, and YES, I AM THE ONLY REASON for her recent insomnia and worried face. -_-

She wonders why I can be so unlucky.. why had my jobs not worked out? And on top of that, she worries about my health and fitness as all mothers would. She expects to see me wake up real early in the morning and be very energetic to go about the daily stuff, and to see me sleep before midnight. However, me being a nocturnal person, usually refused to sleep till I'm tired.. which is around 2am or later, and don't wake till 11am (when I don't need to work the next day). She also worries about my lifestyle, how I spent my weekends just hiding in the bedroom resting, and a heap of disapprovals regarding my bf. No one will ever meet her standards. NO ONE. Sigh....

So, yea, mum and I had a little argument over her over-worrying, and me being the source of her over-worrying.

This really frustrates me!!!!

I do love my mother and wants her to be proud of me and happy and worry-free. But, I know I won't be able to ever achieve that unless I became someone successful in my career (with high salary and status and regular international travels), and marries a financially stable successful man that is also charming, capable, with good personality and character. Then, she can have peace of mind and rest-assured that her daughter is in good hands, and independent.

I wished the same for myself too, but reality is far from fantasy and dreams. I don't blame my mum for having those expectations or wishes for me too. But I wished she can stop over-worrying!!! I wished she could release those worries and just see things on the positive side.

Even in the earlier argument or conversation I had with her, she was pointing out all my failures and flaws... even when I've put in effort to try to achieve them, once I start to slide off the mark, I'm back to being a case of failure and source of extreme worries in her eyes.

I am sad that I could never make her happy. Yet, I am not willing to change my entire lifestyle and habits and choices just that she can be happy. This is the struggle I have between the expectations of filial piety and achieving personal happiness and identity.

I wonder if I no longer live under the same roof, where she no longer can see the way I chose to live my life... would she worry less?

ANYWAY...

I just hope to find a good stable job soon. At least that would put one main worry away. Because I know, she's worried that if I still don't find work/income, there's no way I can survive the next few months financially. She knows I am penny-less.

I would try to wake by 8am and sleep by midnight, if it pleases her so. That is within my control, and this is one stone that will kill 2 birds. Because I know that my bf also worries over my sleeping pattern. Sigh...

As for whatever disapprovals she has over me and my bf's activities at home, perhaps its time to spend less time at home and more time outside. We usually just stay in my room to chill, watch TV, play games on Facebook, surf net for info, or just Zzzzzz - it's great to have the comfort of air-con. The more "docile" activities is also largely due to me having back pains, or me being too drained/weak due to menses, or me not feeling well due to sinus infections - so we just stay indoors and chill the weekend out. There were days that we go out, but lately we're just trying to save on petrol and parking. Whatever lah, though these sound like excuses, but that's the quality time we've been spending together. Since that's an eyesore to mum, its time to make some adjustment and just get out of her sight. Sigh....

I guess there's no way I can ever stop mum from her worries. If she's not worried about me, she'll be worried about my bro, or the nephews, or the maids. Otherwise, it'll be my aunt or some other personal source of worries. Sometimes I wonder if worrying is the thing that she enjoys doing. I hope that God will remind her to pray and cast her cares upon Him so her burdens may roll away. I won't be the right person to tell her that, hurhur.. *guilty face*

Gotta admit, I've been selfish too. I admit that I've been too self-centered in the way I've lived my life, and unaware that every move I made caused anxiety to those who cares for me.

I just hope that God will be gracious to me and provide me with a good stable job that I can settle and be happy in. And that God will bless Jeff, so that his TPE project will wrap up soon once and for all, and that he will also be able to find a better job with better income.

I worry too about my finances. Hence, if I still don't land a job soon, I will seriously take up part time jobs even if it pays only $5 per hour.

And I hope, I can motivate myself hard enough to start exercising daily - that will surely make mum happier. I guess, when mum is happy, I can be happier. After all, she's my only mum, and she loves me.

Sigh, I feel helpless, really.

I just hope that God will minister to mum and give her peace.

Amen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway, after I've cooled down (thanks to blogging it off my chest), I sms'd mum to tell her I'm sorry to have made her worry so much for me, and told her that I'll try to improve, and thanked her for her love. So, we made peace. ^_^ Happy Ending.

Freedom from Slavery! Home Again!

2009-09-18T14:06:00.004+08:00

So, I've finally quit the job and now I'm home.

Finally, freedom from the daily torment! But yes... need to find a new job immediately in order to pay bills. This will not be a holiday to nuah.

The events leading up to my "resignation" was rather dramatic but I'm glad I made the right decision for myself. I am also glad to have my darling, and my trusted friends who supported me and gave me good advice.

Don't think I'll wanna work with retail or cosmetics industry again. The culture leaves a bad taste in the mouth unless I'm with the sales & marketing group, which is fun and happening. However, my job belongs with the functional group - you just get to labour and watch the fun, while bearing with the demands of bitchy folks and those with diva attitudes. However, there are also really nice people amongst them. I'm glad to have met some of them.

I'm also kinda surprised that right after I've left the company, one of my colleagues there (The girl who sat in the workstation in front of me) immediately deleted me and blocked me on facebook. WTF? Really, I am rather disappointed. But, neither would I bother to find out why... that's also because she's not someone whom I feel I wanted to maintain friendship with anyway. That's how things were for me at the office. She's also the one who told me that she disliked me right from the day I started work there, because she disliked the lady I replaced, and that she feels I am quite similar in many ways to that lady. Duh... Childish & Immature. Then, after that, she became friendly and said someone pointed out to her that its not fair for her to stereotype me to my predecessor, and so then she finds me quite nice to work with. Then, she blows hot and cold but I just ignore it, treating her as just another little girl who is childish and immature. Things were friendly on the surface on my last day, but I just don't get why she needs to delete or even block me. I'm not even stalking her. Anyway, enough about her.

Hence, since 2nd Sep I've been home. I felt lost and depressed for awhile, as well as feeling anxious about finances. Jeff was very supportive and gave me encouragements. I was also chatting over MSN with ET and really cried hard when she cheered me on and encouraged me. Shirl was also there for me, giving me useful advice and affirmations. Other pals, including Charlie, Carol, Michelle, Aslilia from MH were there for me as well. What surprised me most was the support that came from mum. I thought she'll be upset with me, but she was not. She was glad I left the company as she felt it really wasn't worth it. She felt I deserve something better. My bro was also concerned - called me up to catchup on what's the situation, and prayed for me.

Earlier this week, I finally had my first job interview. It was for a HR Manager position with a US MNC in Flavours and Fragrance business. It went ok, and I'm not too excited about this job. That's because I will need to handle A-Z on all HR matters including the medical claim, leave, filing etc for 200 over staff, including alternating between 2 locations - the office and the manufacturing plant.

Next week, I'll have another interview for a HR position with a US MNC in the life sciences industry. The job sounds good, but I do feel kinda inadequate for the position. Nevertheless, I will go for the interview and will then be able to get a clearer picture of what the role requires. Hopefully, it would be a job fit for me.

In the meanwhile, I hope there will still be other opportunities opening up for me!!!

Ok, that's all for now. Will go take a break, and maybe a nap. Hurhurhurhurhur...

The 4 Letter word named WORK

2009-08-19T13:16:00.001+08:00

Had a really REALLY REALLY bad day at work.

First of all, last night, I worked late to complete all the backlogs of paperworks.

Got home 11pm plus, had dinner and showered, its already midnight.

Was on the phone with Jeff, and again, he is moody because I worked late.

In the end, I felt hurt and disappointed by his sarcasm and unhappiness over my working late, and had to cry myself to sleep.

It's tough enough to have to take a low pay that hardly make ends meet, have so much to do, got home late, and still have to defend and justify it to my love ones, begging for understanding and support.

What the fuck! I used to have the freedom to work till 2am, though tired and felt over-worked-under-paid, yet at least have the peace of mind and satisfaction that I've fulfilled my responsibilities and put in an honest day's work.

Sometimes I get a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, or sympathetic ear when I bitch about work, or someone saying he/she understands what I am going through, and encouraged me to hang on.

Now, I worry about how unhappy my guy is gonna be. I worry about how am I gonna explain my late night again.

Why do I feel I am getting punished for working late?

Got in this morning, sat down at the office desk and cried again.

I really hope I can find a new job soon that would work out for me.

Boss was not pleased when she handed me back the stack of all the paper work I've put up for her to sign.

She said, I should never give her all these at one go to sign, because it takes up SO MUCH of her time to go through and sign them.

How about the 4 hours I put in just to get all these paperwork done? OMG!!!!!! I can't believe my ears!!

And, with that, Boss had a "talk" with me.

The talk did not end well.

First, she could not understand why I am stressed and don't seem to be coping with all the work.

OMG!!! I'm functioning as her full time secretary, full time department admin assistant, and a HR Specialist at the pay rate of peanuts!

Then, when we spoke about one of the projects, she got angry and started to show her colors and displeasure, because she was under the wrong impression that I have gone ahead to confirm hotels and such - which I had not. No time to look into this project yet, and had been unable to get the time to sit down with her to go through all the details. She's been travelling extensively, and when she's around, her schedules are packed from early morning till evening. My emails are non-stop getting instructions from her to work on things, followup on issues, collating and chasing for data from the countries etc. I was also working on fire-fighting mode.

Yet, now, she don't understand why???? hahahaha.. I am speechless.

That's why I am now sitting here, blogging and crying silently at my desk during lunch hour, via email.

I wish to quit, but I need the money.

Yet, right now, my confidence is really shaken. Can't I do a junior admin person's job well even?

Boss said I do very good work, very detailed and complete. However, I guess, she has a problem with how fast I turnaround things.

I want to take the responsibility, accept the blame. But how can I?

I felt that it is unfair to expect me to be running all these projects independently within 2 months of joining.

I felt that I am bogged down by all the secretarial and admin responsibilities that goes on daily.

I felt that she does not have a realistic take on the necessary time/complexity/paperwork that needs to go into each issues.

Or perhaps, its just me.

This is fast becoming a pattern. It seems.

In my last job, it didn't work out.

This, a much easier job, still is not working out.

Am I so bad at it?

I really feel that I can do better, and shine, at a real HR role.

No more secretarial/admin support roles for me next.

I feel so miserable right now.

If I were to pour my heart to Jeff now about how I'm feeling and crying, will I get an unhappy tone and "I told you so"?

Or will he comfort me and tell me to hang on, he's here for me, and encourage me to keep hoping and trying for a better job?

Anyway, I know he loves me and wants me to be happy, feeling the pain that I need to work hard. So, I'll understand if he is unable to react in the way I prefer a friend or darling would.

Sigh.. I need a hug.

I sincerely hope, the job that the MichaelPage Consultant shared with me about last week will bring me favourable news soon.

The Consultant contacted me about an Asst HR Manager role, reporting to a Regional HR Director, and supervising a HR Administrator.

The role's job description and the expectations of the Regional HR Director is really a match to what I am seeking for, except that I do not have experience in SAP HR. However, I am confident that I can pick up SAP HR without much problem. So, hopefully, the recruiter will be willing to see me for an interview, and hopefully I will be successfully selected for the position.

Then I will give my 2 weeks notice, and get out of this miserable job.

Otherwise, I just hope that the opportunity at ET's company would open soon and perhaps there is the chance I could move there. It will be so great to work with ET again, and Aslilia!

May God bless me!!

Perhaps, it is time to get down on my knees and pray.

The prodigal son (daughter) is eating shit when even the servants at the Father's house have brownies as dessert. (-_-)

Oh, I need a new rainbow!

Today, I will leave at 6pm sharp and be home in time for Singapore Idol.

*self hug*

Tweetie

BMW!! Lousy day at work

2009-07-02T19:16:00.001+08:00

Sigh... what to say? I'm beginning to feel quite strongly that this very secretarial role in my new company is not working out fine for me!

It is really tough adjustment to "play secretary" to a female lady who is not easy to pleased.

Neither am I really a good secretarial material. In fact, I am starting to really HATE managing the calendars and conference calls and people enquiring with me on her availability. It may be easy shit for others, but I find it really such a stinking piece of shit. Making it worse is my boss - sigh... don't wanna elaborate, but I am not feeling so motivated today. In fact, right now, I am upset!!!

I want to go home. But .... I can't!!

The entire day (other than a nice lunch at Bakerzin with my 2 really nice colleagues who made my day) has been spent on calendars calendars calendars. OMG I wanna scream!!!!! I think I'd rather be swimming in a deep pool in another company managing all the operational HR stuff, which is also shit, but perhaps at a higher pay rate and getting the feel that I'm really doing work.

I didn't expect myself to feel this way, honestly.

I thought i wouldn't mind being an administrator again, but the Job description certainly made the job look attractive.

The Company's reputation, benefits and perks are some of the retaining factor too.

However, these are things I am very willing to forego if the job scope really don't work out for me.

I feel like a useless secretary, and absolutely no excellence nor confidence. Honestly, it is really not my forte to babysit someone else's calendar, appointments, etc.

Though boss clarified that she does not need me to monitor her appointments, but how do I detach myself from that?

People whom she's supposed to call and meet are calling me up to check if she's done, or when she's done can i please give a call to inform them so they can call in, ...

Worse thing is, I had to negotiate for a slot for her today at a certain time. And since she said she dont want reminders nor prompts, I tried not to do so. However, 15mins passed the appointment time and she has not yet made a move to the other office (10mins walk), and the other big shot's PA expects me to be monitoring and keeping tabs or updating the parties. GRRRRRRRR~!!!!! When I inform her that she'll be 30mins late, I got a tick-off from her that she does not need to be prompted and didn't she just clarified that the day before! I felt like such a chow kaypoh and a nuisance to her!! Geez!!! Yet, she does not understand that I need to keep other parties updated. When i try to explain that the other PA has stressed that the appointment should be kept in time, she told me that if the PA has a problem with that, just ask if the PA wants to have a word with her.

.... ....... ..... ..

I'm speechless.

Absolutely uncomfortable.

And I'm pissed off!!

Anyway, I called that PA to inform her that my boss will be late, and apologised about it.

SIGH... I HATE IT!!!

And then, there are other little unpleasantness of the day in other matters that really frustrates me.

Sigh... sigh... sigh....

I don't want to give up so easily, I don't want to run away from difficulties. I don't want another "short term" job that didn't work out.

Yet, how do I solve this situation?

I can't imagine when the new Director starts her project and the other new Director joins and starts his projects!! They will all look to me for support. During then, can I manage a very PA-dependent Boss and 2 other Directors?

Good question.

The salary rate is so not worth it.

Yes I'm bitching and moaning and whining. BMW!!!!

And now, back to work. *&^%$#@!!!

Time to start blogging more!

2009-06-29T02:20:00.001+08:00

Wow, its been some time again since I've blogged.

I'm now blogging via email... wonder if it'll work fine. This would be a way to blog during office hours.. Shhhh.... haha!!
Well, I've started working since 26th May 2009 and the new company blocks all access to websites like facebook and blogger and many others. haiz..

However, at least its still possible to go to gmail! Therefore, this sprung forth the idea that I should utilise the blogging via email mode.

So much to update!! Oh gosh, if i continue to procrastinate on blogging, so much events and emotions and thoughts in my life will be forgotten!!!

Well, this is now a test and I will keep it short. If it posts successfully, then I'll sure be posting more from now on!!

^_^

Tweetie's sweetheart... 4th month anniversary

2009-05-11T14:00:00.001+08:00

Wow... It's been 4 months since I've been in a relationship with Jeff and I've yet to blog about it!!

For a start, here's me and Jeff :

We started dating in Oct-08 and 3 months later, on 11th Jan 2009, became officially in a relationship. Ever since, he has kept me very very busy - especially on weekends. Haha~ just kidding! We had lots of fun just being together. There were ups and downs, but mostly "UPs".

Thank you darling, for loving me in such a sweet and wonderful way.

Thank you, for all the sacrifices you've made, and all the big and small things you've done for me.

Most of all, thank you for loving me as who I am... though I am fiesty, stubborn, zany and unpredictable in my own tweetie ways, heh heh heh...

HAPPY 4th MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!

Yes, Darling, its the 4th month : 11th Feb (1st), 11th Mar (2nd), 11th Apr (3rd), 11th May (4th)

** Oh yes, and not forgetting.... May 11th 2007 is the first time we met!

2009 and its already March!

2009-03-10T03:39:00.002+08:00

Woah~ how fast time flies!!! And this time, its not because I was too busy at work, haha!! I've been too busy with hedonistic part of my life!

Quite shocking to return and see that my last post was written before the last day of my work.
So much has taken place in my life in these short 3 months, and I don't think I'll be able to detail it here!

However, I shall try to recall as much as possible.

As of right now, I am very contented with my life. VERY CONTENTED.

The past few months have given me a good rest, recuperated from my frequent sinus infections and I am beginning to see some stability in health. Next thing I gotta do is lose weight. My weight is now at a height of 68kg and that is NOT ACCEPTABLE!! I really hadda hadda hadda discipline myself to eat less and exercise more. Yes, had started some exercising but I know its definitely not enough to burn off the excess calories. -.-

Well, that being said, its time for me to sleep, LOL! I'm living the life of a pig!

Will be back soon to rant!

Cheers!!!!!

I've dunnit!

2008-12-16T20:18:00.004+08:00

Yes I've done it~!! I've sent in the letter last Wednesday, and tomorrow, 17 Dec 2008 will be my final day at the office.

With Jeff's help, I've managed to pack and send my stuff back home on Sunday... and there just remain a few more items we will shift home tonight.

Sent out a broadcast email to my colleagues last evening to inform them of my leaving. Received a few heartfelt responses that left me feeling touched.. sad... and encouraged. I guess I have under-estimated again, the level of favour people have towards me. A reminder, we often under-estimate how much we may mean to the people in our lives. Really gotta treasure and cherish it and not take things & people for granted.

I feel sad to have saddened the hearts of a few really nice folks, which I hope to continue keeping in contact. I've also had a few heartfelt chats with colleagues who would soon become friends, hehee..

I do feel the reluctance to leave, when I see how by staying on I can help.. and all the things that need to be done - who's gonna do them? But I do know clearly as well that I gotta move on.

I will miss the Levono R61 laptop I'm currently using at work, and the smiles of my colleagues, the fun folks from 8th floor I spend the most time with, and the pals I have from the 9th floor.

Well, I just can't help feeling sentimental.. :)

I'm now just gonna try to close as many chapters as I can for the unfinished tasks, and to prepare the handover matters and reminders.

Tomorrow... will be a good day.

And Thursday will be AWESOME!!!! yey!!!!

And Yes, Tweetie will then find time to blog and update on all the recent fun and moments shared with family & friends, and a very special someone... *wink*

Undecisive

2008-12-04T11:33:00.004+08:00

Have been pondering a whole lot on a decision regarding my job. Asking myself questions after questions, considering the consequences, talking to close pals and wise old people. However, I've still not come to any conclusion. My mind kept changing, and I have mixed feelings.

Lately, I have begun feeling endless frustrations, and am highly irriatable and coming to a certain breaking point, finding it hard to tolerate anymore. Well, this would have been the 3rd time I've burnout and reached breaking point since I started work here. It's coming to six months... and at this point I just don't think it will get any better for me in this role.

Am I making too big a deal out of the situations?

I just know I no longer look at things positively, nor I do feel positive. I tried to motivate myself, I read some self-help books too, but... hehehe.. somehow I am finding it hard to apply the principles. Or rather, the unwillingness grows.

It is no longer a joy, and neither is it fun. Neither do I feel I am making positive contributions. Where is the satisfaction that comes with a job well done? I had enough. Really. And I've been saying " I HAD ENOUGH!" more and more often.

So, when do I take the action?
I've set the deadline to make the decision by next week, and yet now, I am thinking of bringing it forward to even today. That feels too impulsive. But how can it be impulsive when I've been seriously considering it for almost a month?

Well, some people I talked to said.. just take a break and you'll be fine. However, I feel that after the break, I probably won't wanna return, LOL. After a refreshing shower, I wouldn't wanna wear back the sour smelling clothes if I can help it, or go straight back to some smelly hole.

Sigh... but really, I keep trying to remind myself : Things are only as bad as you choose to see it. If I choose to see things more positively, perhaps it will be bearable.
If I don't take work seriously, perhaps it is fine to be "lost" and not doing an excellent job.
If I don't really care about performance, perhaps it if fine if all my bosses are frustrated and unhappy with how I suck at my job and finds me incompetent.

But, I mind.
I derive satisfaction and motivation from a job well done, and need to feel that I am contributing.

I guess, I am guilty of being too self-critical and places too high an expectation on myself.
Oh dear.. so then what do i do??? What would be the right thing to do??

And how about finances?
Can I cope with the minimal savings?
Can I find something new and comparable?
Am I making a foolish decision?
Are things really that bad or is it just me?

I think, it is me.
And that is good enough reason, perhaps.
I really don't wanna be blaming every other damn thing in the world.
Oops, self-blame is not exactly healthy either, LOL!

Anyway, I have to decide what makes me happy.

There is definitely something good and beautiful here, but that is only about 30% of it. The rest of it - the remaining 70% - is what drives me crazy, enough to leave me fuming, frustrated and in anguish - frequently.

Yea yea.. I still think its me.
Yet, it is probably just a mismatch in culture and mismatch in job.
Everyone is cut out for different roles and have different preferences and style.
I just have to admit that it is not working out for me here.

Sigh.

I will still wait till next week, and take a few more days to think about it, I guess.

I have a feeling, a bad feeling that next week will again be chaotic. It might make it harder for me to make a decision. :(

I guess, I don't wanna spoil anyone's long weekend by triggering it today either. I will aim for mid week to break the news next week - provided I've made the final decision.

I'd be a happier person soon. I'm optimistic about that, at least. :)
I will (hopefully) go to the gym, go swim, go for walks - to get back in shape, lose some fats.
I will (hopefully) go for short holidays, go spa, go massage, go for medi & pedicure, go pamper myself.
I will (hopefully) clear up the clutter in my room, which for a long time I have had no time to give it any attention.
I will (hopefully) spend quality time with my love ones and close friends, and fulfill the promises I have given to catch up and get more involve with life.
I will (hopefully) take up some courses or go learn something new, of interest, pick up a new skill.

Then, go seek a new employer. Lesser pay, nevermind. Lower rank, nevermind.
As long as I can be happy.

Ok, daydreaming over.

And now, to get back to work. =_=

Changes

2008-11-19T16:44:00.004+08:00

CHANGES.

I feel, its time to call for MAJOR CHANGES in my life.
I need to do some critical evaluation and decide what to do.

Work has taken its toll on me.
I've neglected my family, my friends who are close to my heart, my personal life and health.
Time to do something about it. Really really do something about it.
Time to decide what matters, and what don't.
Time to move on and do what is right for me.

(=.=) .... sigh...

Am sick and on MC for 3 days since Monday.
MC = Medical Certificate and meant "Sick Leave" in Singapore, not "Menstrual Cycle" as asked by my foreign exboss once, when he was informed that an employee's having MC for the day. (I had a good laugh!!!!)

I'm on sick leave for a couple of reasons, mainly because I was bitten by some insects - suspected Sandflies - altogether about 12 red angry bites, on the feet and lower back. Don't know how it happened and where it happened. But during the weekend I paid a visit to the new Marina Barage, and was also at my ex-company's BBQ event held at Bayshore Park Condo. Took a walk and sat down somewhere for a chat, and possibly there may have been a pile of sand or soil infested with sandflies ???!!??? -_- sigh.. i'll never really know.

Anyway, the bites kept me up awake and scratching all night on Sunday, and somehow developed fever. Saw doctor on Monday and went home with a load of medication. Of which, was a bottle of Lice Lotion, to be applied all over the body after shower, and to let it dry on the skin naturally, and not to wash or bathe within the next 24 hours. hummmff... that's kinda disturbing, because it was suspected that I might have lice or some kinda skin parasite biting me. Worst, all beddings gotta be washed and if possible, family members should also be protected by having the lotion applied. Wah lauuuuuuuuuuuu~!!!!!!! Scary siah~!!!!

Doc also gave me Augmentin to treat the infections, as well to target the scalp acne breakouts possibly due to stress. Sigh.. my body's really breaking down due to burning out and stress. I was also given Atarax, for helping me to sleep in view of the itchings. I took one on monday night before sleeping - and thanks to it, I was fully drugged and woozy for the entire Tuesday. I could only wake and manage to make my way to the toilet to pee once in the morning, woke up again at noon when dad asked me about lunch - which I told him I was too giddy to move out of bed.. and finally, around 6pm, I was able to get out of bed, still feeling drugged and blur, but able to see straight and read words on screen.

Work.
Work. work. work.
Sigh.... this is one major problem.

On Monday night, I returned to office despite feeling unwell, to sort out a few matters and take my office laptop so I can work from home. Also, I have a conference all with Europe at 10pm which lasted an hour, and after that called one my CFO lady boss because more urgent data has been requested and needs to be submitted by the next afternoon (Tuesday)! FUCK!!!!!! I'm on sick leave, and I'm not well and how do I manage it????? Sigh..... I felt totally helpless, yet knows that I'm holding a managerial position and that is expected of me.

Stress kept me up a little till i popped the Atarax pill - Never did I expect that I can't see straight the next day, ho ho ho... and so, can't submit the data.

After the late breakfast+lunch at 6pm (mum woke me up and got me out to the coffeeshop to eat something), I logged on to work. No data has come in for me, and finally around 9pm, my CFO lady boss sent me 2 emails that didnt include the data, but told me to have to make sure i check this against that, and i need to get this or that data from another person. F%$#&!!!!!!! I was pissed off!!!!! I mean, please let me have the data so i can meet the deadline, there is no time to check this and check that!!!! Stop all the politics!!! ..... yet, the politics are necessary... to save jobs. Sigh.....

Anyway, i feel so lost. Lost in all these. And indeed, I feel discouraged again. I really DO NOT enjoy my job anymore. In fact, I feel that i am starting to resent it, and thats not good. I prefer things more straightforward and clear cut. And if being a manager means playing with all these ambiguity, then, I'd rather downgrade and take on something lighter. Fuck potential! Fuck all the "loss". It's really not worth it. I'm really unhappy!!!

To makes things worse..... today (Wednesday), I started having diarrhea~!!! (-_-)"
Started about 5am, together with more itches with the bites, and a worsen sinus infection. Called Doc and was told it could be due to side effects of the antibiotics. Oh well, if that's the case, then I'm not too worried. Called my lady boss again, and she didnt sound happy. Well, i dont blame her... yet, i don't feel good about the tone of her voice. I asked her again for the data because I've asked for extended deadline of 1 more day from Europe HQ and absolutely would need to send the report in. Again, instead of sending me the figures she wants me to do some analysis checks. This time, I felt really difficult... because I am really not feeling so well, I dont feel i am able to do analysis work. Somehow, she mumbled something about checking something herself and will call me back. Till now, i've not heard from her. I will call her soon, right after I pour this frustration out of my mind.

Talked to ET for a little while, and received some words of wisdom and affirmation from her. I really needed that.

Right now, I think... I will actively seek new employment.
I will be open to short term positions.
I will take on jobs that pay me a lower (much much lower) salary, but at least give me my work-life balance back.

And I should do so before Christmas.

My probation period is up on 30 Dec. Before confirmation is 1 week's notice. After confirmation will be 2 months' notice... it will be highly difficult to leave.

I dread that by doing so, I will add to the present crisis, and will be letting a few people down - especially The Dutch boss, who had believed in me. Sigh.. the CFO Lady boss has been kind as well, but I really have to "Shut Up, Move On". It's not their fault, I will take on the responsibility. I feel it is a job mismatch perhaps? Really, I feel that I am unable to cope with the stress that comes with a managerial position in this company. I am tired, I am feeling burnout, and I am not happy with my performance.

Time to tighten my belt, cut on expenses. I will be expecting a big paycut for my next job. But I think, I will be happier, and will get to work more decent hours. I look forward to being able to plan my time again and having some freedom without the burden that is constantly on my back - that something's still not done, and its not done because i have no fucking idea how to do it, and I'm too tired to think about it now. I want to leave that behind.

Enough time giving this job a try. The challenge has proven overwhelming, and I should be honest enough to admit defeat. The hardest part is letting go - of the "glamour", of the "personal office room", of the comfortable salary (nah, its never enough, I'd love to be paid more - but can I deliver and perform what's expected?). Also, I just hope the bosses don't try to hold me back again, but let me go. I think, in the present time and situation, they should make me redundant, LOL! Yes, it will be cheap because I'm too new in the company to be paid any severance benefit.

Ok, now, back to work. At least I've sort out some thoughts here.

Not sure how things will pan out again. I might just be too negative or pessimistic at the moment. But honestly, I really do think that I will not regret leaving this job, though it is stupid to do such a thing during an economic downturn and when most company has freezed their hiring, especially for General & Admin functional positions. Sigh.......

I should do the right thing for myself.

The company is good, just job does not fit me - I don't fit the job.

A funny car sign I found says :
"BORN TO PARTY -- FORCED TO WORK"

How true!!!!! hahahaa!!

Reverse Bungy Ride with Rachel!

2008-10-30T14:05:00.003+08:00

Hiak hiak hiak~! Was at Clark Quay lately for dinner and my friend asked me if I've tried the Reverse Bungy Ride. HELL YEAH~!!!!!! hahahahhaa.. OMG I will never forget it!

And this reminded me that I should post the video uploaded by Rachel in her blog (http://rachelsadventures.wordpress.com/) to share the experience I had.

I walked away with bruises (blue-black) on my neck and inner thighs due to the buckles and safety belt/harness, and muscle aches (yeah just look at how my legs flew)... but it sure was hellava great ride!

Would I try it again? Why not!!?? (=~.~=) but.. the bruises caused by the safety harness does discourage me a little......

Cheers
tweetie!

Lessons in life

2008-10-23T20:23:00.004+08:00

I really like this very much... ~_~
tweetie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LESSONS IN LIFE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By Regina Brett, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do .
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read some good books. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Bed of thorns & some roses

2008-10-14T21:23:00.005+08:00

Sigh..

Working late again and taking a moment to crap a little online.
Glad there's facebook and msn to keep me sane sometimes, linking me to the outside world other than just work work work.

Another week has passed by and its been 2 weeks since I last posted. During which, there had been really fine moments of fun - especially with newly acquainted friends like Uncle Jeffie, who have been truly caring and supportive, encouraging, and making me laugh like hell. There's also Alex, my new "buddy" from the UK who contributes to interesting & heart-warming chat moments from time to time. Not forgetting my base & foundation of pals.. : TwinkleStar my bestest friend (*mmuacks~*), Michelle and Princess who are my "playmates & buddies", my sweet & cool cousin Serine who's currently staying with us, and many others (hehehhee.. sorry if your name is not mentioned. You can always leave a comment here saying "and Me me me me me!!!" LOL~!)

Wooo!~ Felt great again after counting my blessings, I'll recommend it to anyone that's feeling negative.

Still, back to the subject of worklife... it has certainly been a bed of thorns. Totally uncomfortable and pricking. True there are moments of fun, but reality is still as harsh and cruel. The job needs to get done.

This evening, I sat at my office desk, in front of my PC, and sobbed..
I needed to cry and let it out, because I totally feel stressed out and frustrated and helpless and exhausted and overwhelmed.
It has been one crisis after another that spell "URGENT, DO IT NOW" or "IT'S NEEDED SINCE YESTERDAY" for me.
I felt so sick and tired of late night working, with most part of the days being stuck in meetings and discussions and conversations that are necessary and important and long.

Things are happening at home that requires my attention, as well as attention required from people around me and for myself. I need time to take care of me too, I can't have my personal life fall apart! I am beginning to long for a more relaxed life with less things to worry about. No, i don't mean a problem-free life, because I am solutions oriented, i enjoy solving problems (for other people, LOL!) and only a dead man does not have problems. Yet, i wonder at the choices I have for the moment.

For now, I have - in a way - recommitted myself to the job. We are working out a system that we hope might work. But what adds to the stress and frustration, is that i have no time or energy to set that system up and running and to maintain it and remain discipline in keeping it in check. I'm still being seized left and right by urgent matters and meetings and all, and not in control of my schedule. The system is supposed to update the management of all the activities which are on my plate, and the stages for it to be done, and which action items are prioritised for when. However, since the day I walked out of the meeting last wednesday, it's been a week and I have not yet updated the worksheets. Because, there have been more meetings and more crisis.

I told my ex-boss that I miss those days where I report only to one boss and one company/business unit, and miss having a day that I can just feel I am on top of things and knows the status of each outstanding matter and what to do next. Being able to go home or plan activities for the evenings or weekends with some peace of mind. Right now I'm just fire fighting and not coping. I only go home when I'm too tired, yet worried sick that things are not yet done, calls not yet made, mails not yet replied, research not yet done, employee not yet spoken to, matters not yet followed-up, bosses not yet updated..... and meetings crowding up my daily 8hour workday - which only means staying behind to take care of matters.

Bosses are wondering what i have been doing -- that's not good. One of them said to me, maybe he should sit next to me for a day just to see what goes on. That's bloody insulting, but I hope he meant well. Ultimately, it clearly implies that he is bloody wondering what do I do for the whole day because in the end, he don't see me producing the work he has expected from me.

Even if I've been mucking around in Facebook, I couldn't have done it for the whole day, hahahahahahaa.... and as for msn, only a few chats here and there in between. In the evening, I'm just pure exhausted, and things just slow down. Ok, I'm whining so much.. blehhhhhh....

Really, today.. the thought of quitting is back on my mind.
However, it does seem that the job market is not too hot at the moment. Also, I feel responsible. Someone needs to solve these issues, and I am the only one to "help". Sigh..

Read something in the book S.U.M.O. tonight while waiting for dinner to be served:
SUMO WISDOM
-- "What you focus on, magnifies"
-- "Perhaps it is not the circumstances that needs to change, but your perspective of the circumstances

Indeed, like what a friend used to tell me : Things are only as bad as you choose to see it. Hmm... so.... Be positive!! Be Optimisitc!~ HANG ON!!!

Ok, enough said for tonight. Gotta get back to work.

For all my friends who have been supportive and concerned.. a heartfelt thank you.

Tweetie will be OK. I will pull through.. (hahaha.. I'm actually not very convinced, hahahahah!!!)

Oh yeah.. I forgot about the roses... the sunny side of life.. ^^

Well, I've managed to catch a few good movies past 2 weeks : Mamma Mia (again), Big Stan, Burn After Reading. Big Stan was hilarious!!!! I totally love Rob Sneider (ok pardon the bad spelling) and i find the humour brilliant! Burn After Reading is not too bad either.. kind of slow in the beginning but later on as the plot thickens it becomes kinda hilarious. I love Brad Pitt, he's so cute doing such a role and I find it really ticklish. George Cloony too, very different from the cool intelligent sexy smooth roles he played in most other movies. hehehe...

I've also tried working (bringing my laptop and work documents and parking at a table, near the electrical points) at West Coast MacDonalds over the past 2 weekends. It was lots of fun to work alongside with a friend, and terribly bad for my waistline because I kept feeding myself with food, but at least the place has air-con and gives me a relaxing alternative location other than the office to do my work. However, it was really tiring , because i "worked" overnight - thanks to the 24hours operation, hehehhehe..

Was also out for 2 "Prata Sessions" lately. First occasion with Princess & Uncle Jeffie, where we TCSS so much that we're in stitches with too much laughing. Second time was with Michelle and Uncle Jeffie, this time we took some pictures, LOL.. But now, I think those 2 occasions have gratified my Prata cravings for the next 3 years, hehee.. and I seriously need to go on diet. Too much fat and carbo ... I must have put on 3kgs since July. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!!!!!

Oh well, that made me frustrated too, because I would love to find time to go gym after work. Sigh...

Whatever it is, i must go on. Work still needs to be done tonight, and I just hope to be able to stay up and be active till 4am to get as much done as possible. Yes, I've had dinner, the Chicken Thai Kway Teow from the Cream Bistro downstairs. Quite nice! I think they probably know me as the lady who ate dinner there at least 3x per week. oh, Sad.

Alright, will update soon, whenever.. whatever! ^^

Tweetie in VOGUE!

2008-10-03T00:16:00.002+08:00

Woah, Tweetie made it to the cover page of VOGUE Magazine!!

Hiak hiak hiak!!

Got this picture mailed to me, compliments of Uncle Jeffie!

MAKE MY DAY TOTALLY!! hehehehehehe..~!!

Yumm... Comfort Food for Tweetie

2008-10-02T20:09:00.003+08:00

Okee.. *burp~*

Just ate yet another bowl of my recent favorite Katsudon from Cream Bistro at Pacific Plaza ground level. So far, it has not failed me in terms of flavour...

Each time I feel so stressed up or lousy, especially in the evening at the office pending a late night work hour.. I'll head down to "de-stress" with this wonderful warm bowl of Katsudon, with a request for extra eggs.

Katsudon (Cream Bistro)

They didn't use japanese rice.. just normal rice, but i think its the sauce - sweet enough and really tasty. The other really nice bowl of such dons I ate recently was at Vivocity while out with a friend after watching a Movie together. Damn... that was one memorable bowl of rice as well, the egg was perfect! Chicken pieces were tender and juicy.. Oooohhh and we were sharing. Yumm... hehehe... Woah feeling hungry again. Gotta try it again next time I return to Vivo. It's at the Shino-watever restaurant.. where they have grilled skewered meat. OK, nevermind, I'm never good at remembering names and such. And I'm toooo lazy right now to go do research for actual names.

Haha.. and during dinner, someone was appointed as my new bitching post. The brand new Tweetie BMW Garage. kekekekeke.. poor thing.

Oh yes, bought my favourite Rum & Raisin White Choc Nuts from Canele as well. That's the 1st thing I headed across to buy before returning to have dinner at Cream Bistro. Will have a piece of that bite of happiness. Heck, will have to worry about waistline later.. (oh.. bad.. bad.. bad.. hehehehe..)

Bought a bottle of Japanese Dessert Wine too. Will bring home to share with mum and Serine. They'll love it!!!!

Alright... time start work soon, and hope to leave office by 11pm - perhaps. Hmm... make it midnight. =.= sigh.....

Arrgghh~! Mad Monkey back on my head!

2008-10-02T18:35:00.004+08:00

Arrgggghhh...~!!

So unhappy I is. I is so unhappys. -_-

Just back from a meeting.. guess what, the joke is.. HQ bosses disagreed that I can be fired by Mad Monkey and so, I'm back to serving all again. I wanna whine whine whine ....!!! *pout*

All that self talk about having courage to stand for myself. Hiaz... but still, good to have at least that backbone. Nevertheless, I still have a choice -- resign. But nay, not my style to do that.

So for now, my fate is once again in the hands of all. But the comforting thought is, all my other 4 bosses are very supportive and understanding, and they are telling me that it is impossible for me to know everything and do everything by myself, and definitely help is needed, and they know that it is not easy to be juggling so many things and priorities.

As much as I am uncomfortable with the way things will move forward, and the system that will be put in place to help manage this function, I will embrace it as a growing and learning process. But really, I am not whistling a happy tune liao. Feel kinda sian.. sian.. sian.. deflated.. hummfffrr..

Well, I gotta stop my BMW (Bitching, Moaning, Whining), and do my SUMO (Shut Up, Move On). And yes, I'm not a victim. I will overcome, I will survive!!! Meowrrr.. (tomorrow, I will roar louder, I promise). -.-"

Another day of back-to-back meetings and nothing getting done. Looks like it will be another late night at the office. I really hope this will change soon. Otherwise, one week's notice. hehehee.. Now that's a happy thought! ^^

*self hug*

Grrrr.. must not let this get me down. I is strong. I is OK!! I is hungry!!!! I must has Prata again!! *yummm.......*

When will work be fun again? Hmmm.. tomorrow, maybe! Hehehe.. gonna be out in the evening with the colleagues to celebrate 2 birthdays. ^^ happy thoughts, happy thoughts!!

And now, back to work.

Boundaries!!

2008-10-02T15:37:00.002+08:00

Hmm... despite the "good news" that I've been fired by Mad Monkey, this morning I received an email stating another task or request from him. Hmm.... ??????

So in my puzzlement, I highlighted it to my 3 other bosses, and they've asked me to send them a formal email asking for clarification on who are my stakeholders and job focus areas. "In the Beginning", I have about 5 stakeholders, or bosses. I'll tag them as (1) Lady Boss, (2) Dutch Boss, (3) Mad Monkey, (4) Senior Boss, and (5) HQ Boss. Yes... that many people. This fulfilled the scriptures "Supervisors are many, but the Labourers are few". Poor Tweetie, hahahaha!!

So Senior Boss wrote back to me that it is clear that I nolonger will assist in any new files o rmatters for Mad Monkey's Business, but for "old files" (i.e. outstanding matters) to close it in a timely manner.

Mad Monkey then replied that those were objectives and tasks he have assigned to me since mid-July, not "new", but "outstanding".

What the....?

Anyway, I feel strongly that agreeing to it will be stupid, and will make no difference to me. I was ready to quit and one of the reasons was that I no longer wish to handle anymore matters required by Mad Monkey - because it is thankless, and at the end of the day, he rewards you by terrorising, threatening, humiliating and insulting you when he don't get his way. Yes, there will be an evident attitude problem on my part to refuse in attending to any outstanding matters communicated to me "since July", but I feel that if I wanna move on to the new set priorities and be able to cope, I should state the boundaries and I should at least attempt to make a stand. I hold my head up high in pushing back.

Hence I wrote back to Senior Boss, and state that I would highly prefer not to continue with matters pertaining to Mad Monkey's Business and gave a status of what was outstanding -- 2 main items only.

I dont know what the outcome will be, but I think, if at the end of the day, these items remained on my plate, I would still be happy that I voiced out my preference. Right now I only wonder, if I stand my ground in refusing to handle the job, what are the consequences? I was ready to quit, so what do I stand to lose? At the most, my reputation as an employee with a professional and positive attitude. Blehhhh... not worth keeping over a lousy Monkey Boss. Let me live with some dignity no matter how stupid it will seem to the world. Hummff!!! TMD, I not happy to do it, ok?? Kick my ass out and still want me kneeling down to finish the job? No way!! Out means out!! No need proper closure for this case.

I only hope my heart will continue have the courage to stand my ground. It is not easy. And I hate things to be political. However, I think, I need to do this for me. If no one is fighting for my benefit, I will be my only warrior. Rawrrr!!!

Tweetie, be bold, be strong, be brave, be courageous!!!

Fired by the Mad Monkey!

2008-09-29T23:43:00.000+08:00

Haha.. guess what? I got the sack today! I'm fired by the Mad Monkey!!

Yihawwwwww~!!! hahaahahaahahaa~!!! OMG!!!!
THIS IS SUCH GREAT NEWS!!!!
Yes, hahaha!!!! Just what I was wishing for!!!! Can't believe it'll happen so soon!
I was still dreading every minute that Mad Monkey will come yelling at me or throwing his horrible remarks out at me and threatening again for putting me or someone else out of a job.

Shhhh.... sorry, can't say too much about it... will be a career limiting move if Mad Monkey found out, hehehe.. (just ask me personally ok? I'll explain!)

Anyways, I'm OK! Still got a job! An even better job!!! I'm so happy!!!

Well, the road ahead will be very challenging...
Had a meeting with my bosses this afternoon (the other 2 main shareholders). Lots of things still needs to be done, and all are still as important, but together - we will work out the way to make it successful. They definitely believe in my competency and my ability to work, with a few areas of improvements in keeping closer & frequent communication and update on priorities, progress and what's been done.

I definitely feel very very positive about this change! Oh my.... this is fantastic!!!!

Yeah!!!

Just wanna celebrate this moment!!!!
I'm Fired!!! And I don't even need to lift a finger to be fired!!!

COOL! What a wonderful Monday!!!!

I look forward to going to work tomorrow!
YES yes YES!!!!!!!!

Morning Walk!

2008-09-29T07:14:00.002+08:00

Guess what?!? HAHA!!! I woke up this morning at 6.20am.. and went for a 30mins morning walk to start the day with!

This has been something I've been talking about doing and thinking about doing for a long time but never did made it! What to do... I'm just not a morning person! But, I'll try!! Always!!

Well.. honestly, it was a struggle to get out of bed. And the usual negotiations happened in the mind, to postpone it to tomorrow when I could have perhaps had a better night sleep. At 4.30am I was still somehow awake and unable to sink into Zzzz-land. But then, what the hell, just roll outta bed and see what's next!

So what's next was me, staggering to the toilet, splash water on face and freshen up.
Was changing into my T-shirt & shorts when mum knocked once a the door and opened the door! *What the....!!*

And she asked, "What's wrong with you???!!"
I blurred for a moment, and then instance annoyance rose within me. "Huh?! Nothing wrong ah!?" was my (ungrateful) reply.
So mum said, "But why did I smell alcohol all over the toilet? Did you go drinking and threw up or ????!!"

Hahahahahaa~!! That's funny!!! hahahahaah...
So I told mum .. "NO LAH!!! That's because I rinsed my mouth with Listerine lah!!!!!!!!!"
"Orhhhh.... cheyyyyy..." was her answer before she return to sleep.

-_-

Anyway, the next frustration was looking for my Nike Air in the dark. Not wanting to disturb anyone in their sleep, I tried searching around, but can't find them. Grrrrr.... Tweetie begin to feel annoyed again! Finally switched on the lights.. still can't find! Not in the balcony! Not at the door! Not in the shoe cabinets! Not in my bedroom's shoe boxes as well!!! WHERE!!!!!!!????!!!!! Rrrr...rrr..rr... I just can't figure out where my shoes could've gone to! Just then sweet Joan got up (she's our maid) and asked what I was looking for (sigh... i didnt wanna wake her up and now i've donnit!!). Told her, and guess what? She had washed it and its at the foot the balcony wall to dry. Grateful, I said thanks, and soon I'm on my way to the little "hill" near my place to have my morning walk.

Wow, felt so good! Right now I'm back to my bedroom... just cooling down and will have to get ready to go to work soon.

Things are gonna change. Yes, there will be changes!! AGAIN!!!!

And now, to go transfer stuff to my new handbag.
(Yes... I bought something really nice for myself yesterday after watching Mamma Mia with my sweet sis/cousin. I decided that I must pamper me!!! hehehehee... )

May everyone have a beautiful Monday!
Cheers~

A new tweetie's blog!

2008-09-29T01:29:00.000+08:00

Yes!! Time for a new Tweetie's public blog!!

Felt so inspired after watching Mamma Mia today!

I think, time to let the old Tweetie blog go.. into the deep dark shadows.. hur-hur, and let there be a lighter side of memories journalled down.

For folks that are here for the first time, WELCOME to the world of Tweetie... or Tweetietouille!

You'll share my warped thoughts, perhaps even ramblings and bitchings... as well as fond memories of fun and meaningful moments in my life moving forward~...

Though i hope to put down everything here so I can look back on memory's lane and recalled what took place in my life... realistically, I know, I can be kinda lazy when I'm happy, and I'll be in hiding when I'm unhappy, and I'll be blogging elsewhere.... hehehehee... when i really really really need to let it all out!!!!! Hmmm.... contradictory...

Oh, but I will do my best. For ULTIMATELY, this blog is for ME. It's for me to express myself, and for me to keep a note of events and stuff. OK OK.. enough of self reminders!

Now... let's get moving!!!!!!