Bed of thorns & some roses

Sigh..

Working late again and taking a moment to crap a little online.
Glad there's facebook and msn to keep me sane sometimes, linking me to the outside world other than just work work work.

Another week has passed by and its been 2 weeks since I last posted. During which, there had been really fine moments of fun - especially with newly acquainted friends like Uncle Jeffie, who have been truly caring and supportive, encouraging, and making me laugh like hell. There's also Alex, my new "buddy" from the UK who contributes to interesting & heart-warming chat moments from time to time. Not forgetting my base & foundation of pals.. : TwinkleStar my bestest friend (*mmuacks~*), Michelle and Princess who are my "playmates & buddies", my sweet & cool cousin Serine who's currently staying with us, and many others (hehehhee.. sorry if your name is not mentioned. You can always leave a comment here saying "and Me me me me me!!!" LOL~!)

Wooo!~ Felt great again after counting my blessings, I'll recommend it to anyone that's feeling negative.

Still, back to the subject of worklife... it has certainly been a bed of thorns. Totally uncomfortable and pricking. True there are moments of fun, but reality is still as harsh and cruel. The job needs to get done.

This evening, I sat at my office desk, in front of my PC, and sobbed..
I needed to cry and let it out, because I totally feel stressed out and frustrated and helpless and exhausted and overwhelmed.
It has been one crisis after another that spell "URGENT, DO IT NOW" or "IT'S NEEDED SINCE YESTERDAY" for me.
I felt so sick and tired of late night working, with most part of the days being stuck in meetings and discussions and conversations that are necessary and important and long.

Things are happening at home that requires my attention, as well as attention required from people around me and for myself. I need time to take care of me too, I can't have my personal life fall apart! I am beginning to long for a more relaxed life with less things to worry about. No, i don't mean a problem-free life, because I am solutions oriented, i enjoy solving problems (for other people, LOL!) and only a dead man does not have problems. Yet, i wonder at the choices I have for the moment.

For now, I have - in a way - recommitted myself to the job. We are working out a system that we hope might work. But what adds to the stress and frustration, is that i have no time or energy to set that system up and running and to maintain it and remain discipline in keeping it in check. I'm still being seized left and right by urgent matters and meetings and all, and not in control of my schedule. The system is supposed to update the management of all the activities which are on my plate, and the stages for it to be done, and which action items are prioritised for when. However, since the day I walked out of the meeting last wednesday, it's been a week and I have not yet updated the worksheets. Because, there have been more meetings and more crisis.

I told my ex-boss that I miss those days where I report only to one boss and one company/business unit, and miss having a day that I can just feel I am on top of things and knows the status of each outstanding matter and what to do next. Being able to go home or plan activities for the evenings or weekends with some peace of mind. Right now I'm just fire fighting and not coping. I only go home when I'm too tired, yet worried sick that things are not yet done, calls not yet made, mails not yet replied, research not yet done, employee not yet spoken to, matters not yet followed-up, bosses not yet updated..... and meetings crowding up my daily 8hour workday - which only means staying behind to take care of matters.

Bosses are wondering what i have been doing -- that's not good. One of them said to me, maybe he should sit next to me for a day just to see what goes on. That's bloody insulting, but I hope he meant well. Ultimately, it clearly implies that he is bloody wondering what do I do for the whole day because in the end, he don't see me producing the work he has expected from me.

Even if I've been mucking around in Facebook, I couldn't have done it for the whole day, hahahahahahaa.... and as for msn, only a few chats here and there in between. In the evening, I'm just pure exhausted, and things just slow down. Ok, I'm whining so much.. blehhhhhh....

Really, today.. the thought of quitting is back on my mind.
However, it does seem that the job market is not too hot at the moment. Also, I feel responsible. Someone needs to solve these issues, and I am the only one to "help". Sigh..

Read something in the book S.U.M.O. tonight while waiting for dinner to be served:
SUMO WISDOM
-- "What you focus on, magnifies"
-- "Perhaps it is not the circumstances that needs to change, but your perspective of the circumstances

Indeed, like what a friend used to tell me : Things are only as bad as you choose to see it. Hmm... so.... Be positive!! Be Optimisitc!~ HANG ON!!!

Ok, enough said for tonight. Gotta get back to work.

For all my friends who have been supportive and concerned.. a heartfelt thank you.

Tweetie will be OK. I will pull through.. (hahaha.. I'm actually not very convinced, hahahahah!!!)

Oh yeah.. I forgot about the roses... the sunny side of life.. ^^

Well, I've managed to catch a few good movies past 2 weeks : Mamma Mia (again), Big Stan, Burn After Reading. Big Stan was hilarious!!!! I totally love Rob Sneider (ok pardon the bad spelling) and i find the humour brilliant! Burn After Reading is not too bad either.. kind of slow in the beginning but later on as the plot thickens it becomes kinda hilarious. I love Brad Pitt, he's so cute doing such a role and I find it really ticklish. George Cloony too, very different from the cool intelligent sexy smooth roles he played in most other movies. hehehe...

I've also tried working (bringing my laptop and work documents and parking at a table, near the electrical points) at West Coast MacDonalds over the past 2 weekends. It was lots of fun to work alongside with a friend, and terribly bad for my waistline because I kept feeding myself with food, but at least the place has air-con and gives me a relaxing alternative location other than the office to do my work. However, it was really tiring , because i "worked" overnight - thanks to the 24hours operation, hehehhehe..

Was also out for 2 "Prata Sessions" lately. First occasion with Princess & Uncle Jeffie, where we TCSS so much that we're in stitches with too much laughing. Second time was with Michelle and Uncle Jeffie, this time we took some pictures, LOL.. But now, I think those 2 occasions have gratified my Prata cravings for the next 3 years, hehee.. and I seriously need to go on diet. Too much fat and carbo ... I must have put on 3kgs since July. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!!!!!

Oh well, that made me frustrated too, because I would love to find time to go gym after work. Sigh...

Whatever it is, i must go on. Work still needs to be done tonight, and I just hope to be able to stay up and be active till 4am to get as much done as possible. Yes, I've had dinner, the Chicken Thai Kway Teow from the Cream Bistro downstairs. Quite nice! I think they probably know me as the lady who ate dinner there at least 3x per week. oh, Sad.

Alright, will update soon, whenever.. whatever! ^^