Starting a new job!!!

YEY!!!! I'm starting a new job tomorrow!!! 1st December 2009.

Finally!

2 weeks ago I was contacted for an interview. It was for a HR Manager position at a local Sports Club. I'll call it the KKKK* - for urrrmm.... confidentiality purposes, because I am not sure about how seriously the Company treats matters as employees blogging about their work & office! Hence I better not spell the name of it in full in case it was googled, haha!

For the past month from 26 Oct till 27 Nov, I've been working part time at GZ as a temp HR Admin staff. It has been the best working days of the year, considering that I've only worked 3 months at the Cosmetics Company. I am so grateful for the temp job at GZ because the pay, though humble, helped pay my critical bills and tide me through. Moreover, I have so many "angels" at GZ who have been my best friends and close buddies - I was so well taken cared of and made to feel at home there. Deep inside, I wished I could work permanently for GZ should any position open up.

However, I am also grateful that after 2 interviews, I was offered the position at KKKK and at a comfy salary. It will not be a bed of roses and the job will have its challenges, but I am very positive about it and hope that the job will be enjoyable and a career that may last me for years, providing me with job security and income stability. And importantly, IT'S A HR JOB!!!!!!!! (No more Secretarial bullshit for me!!!!!!)

So, tonight, I just wanna pen these happy thoughts down and then get on with preparing for tomorrow, and have an early night.

TOMORROW'S GONNA BE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^

* KKKK (Kinkapore Krick Kret Krub)

Wrong shoe for me!

Got up early this morning for the final interview.

Mum was very kind to send me to the office location at Alexandra Road and I was there at 9.30am, half an hour early. So, I bought myself a hearty cup of Americano at Starbucks and sat down for a slow drink while reading my thriller noval by Nora Roberts.

Went up to the office 5mins before time and was attended to by an attractive long hair lady. Shortly, I was informed that the Regional HR Director is on a conference call and so I waited for approx 25 mins at the Reception Area. It was a nicely decorated space which also functions as the pantry, with a nice set of sofa furnished like a living room with a wonderful view overlooking the Pasir Panjang coast. I stood at the glass wall and enjoyed the view for awhile, and then sat down to continue with reading. Glad I brought the book along.

Today, I went armed with the objective to find out all I can about the job and the expectations directly from the potential boss, as well as to see if she would be someone I can imagine working with. Also, I hope to have a chance to see the office and to have a feel of the work environment and culture if possible.

I was glad when the Interviewer - the Regional HR Director - came to receive me and took me to her office for the interview instead of holding it at the huge conference meeting room. She seems friendly and approachable, dressed plainly in a jacket and pants with no makeup on. Walking through the office, I managed to get a good take of the office setup - a very open office with small workstations and very low partitions, literally no privacy unless you are of managerial level sitting at workstations with slightly higher partitions. Only the Director level sit in rooms that are also rather small, in my opinion. Generally, the office seems messy and cluttered.

The interview lasted slightly more than an hour. During which, the Interviewer was quite honest with me in her assessment of my capabilities and experience. She revealed that she was not too impressed with my competencies nor was she interested to interview me when she was first presented with my CV. (-_-") However, upon receiving positive feedback from both the Asst HR Manager and the Hong Kong HR Manager, she decided to meet me - it seems, they like my personality, despite the fact that I am not as experienced and qualified as other candidates.

She also explained to me her concerns and the importance of having someone who is very well versed with the latest changes in labour employment laws of Singapore as well as keeping oneself up to date with all the latest practices and regulations in the HR Field, for all markets/regions especially Singapore. She also require the person to be knowledgeable and able to manage the computation of taxes, compensation etc even though the company may engage consultants or outsource agencies to manage it. She also would expect the person to hold the fort for all matter in the Singapore office, hence must be able to answer to any questions or issues posed by the expatriates who expects HR to have the answer. For all these, I do agree with her. And clearly, I am not the person for the job - if she's looking for a Plug-and-Play. The job would be too big a shoe for me to fit in. Or, wrong shape.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, she did not indicate clearly if I "made it". She shared that it has been rather difficult to find good candidates who meet requirements and so far she has not come across any whom she thinks is good enough. Also, she has some negative opinions and observations about how Singapore employees tend to operate, which is very different from where she came from (Hong Kong). She asked me to consider carefully if I want to take up this challenge, and to write her an email tomorrow indicating my desire for the job. I was kinda surprised by that, because, it is rare for Employers to ask candidates to "think about it". I guess, she wants to gauge my hunger level while she continues to interview the other shortlisted candidates.

I have to be honest to myself.

I don't think this job is attractive on many counts.

What I like:

• I can start work immediately and money-money come!!
• The company operates in an interesting industry
• There is opportunities to learn and grow in my "career"
• Boss has an open direct and honest style and believes in growing and training people
• The role enables me to have flexibility and independence in exercising personal judgement and make decisions.

What I don't like:

• Job is challenging, expectations may be beyond my ability to perform
• Boss is demanding with high expectations, critical and little patience
• Boss is doubtful about my competencies and experience. No point working for someone who does not believe in me, neither do I want to become someone's mistake in selection.
• Long working hours are expected. The last Asst HR Manger on the job works till 11pm almost daily though the Boss felt it was not necessary. (I asked if she knew why the last AHRM needed to work so late and did she investigate why. She gave me a blank expression and told me she has no idea nor did she probe for the reason, other than just being given the answer by the ex-AHRM that she "has a lot of work to do". Hmmm..... I see some "issues" here which sends my warning bells ringing...)
• Salary & Benefits for this role (below managerial) is tagged to the blue collar industry, hence not very attractive
• There is no AWS or 13th month, and the variable bonus has not been paid out for the past 2 years because the industry is not doing so well
• Workspace is small and cramp - looks rather unpleasant & uncomfortable for the staff. Also a possible sign that "cost savings" is vital factor

Sigh... I guess, I should explore other opportunities rather than to grab this one out of desperation. I don't have a positive feeling about it and I probably should follow my "instincts". I don't want to have to quit one month later and feel like a failure.

I just hope that suitable opportunities matching my abilities and expectations would open up. I do see quite a few in the job market now, but somehow none of the applications sent out received a respond or lead to an interview appointment.

Nevertheless, I will not give up searching. And I must not be discouraged.

Life is a highway!

Love this song from CARS, the music just roll in my head for the past few days ever since I read the blog of a Singapore Taxi Driver who introduced it.

Hope you'll feel inspired by it too! ^_^

Freedom from Slavery! Home Again!

So, I've finally quit the job and now I'm home.

Finally, freedom from the daily torment! But yes... need to find a new job immediately in order to pay bills. This will not be a holiday to nuah.

The events leading up to my "resignation" was rather dramatic but I'm glad I made the right decision for myself. I am also glad to have my darling, and my trusted friends who supported me and gave me good advice.

Don't think I'll wanna work with retail or cosmetics industry again. The culture leaves a bad taste in the mouth unless I'm with the sales & marketing group, which is fun and happening. However, my job belongs with the functional group - you just get to labour and watch the fun, while bearing with the demands of bitchy folks and those with diva attitudes. However, there are also really nice people amongst them. I'm glad to have met some of them.

I'm also kinda surprised that right after I've left the company, one of my colleagues there (The girl who sat in the workstation in front of me) immediately deleted me and blocked me on facebook. WTF? Really, I am rather disappointed. But, neither would I bother to find out why... that's also because she's not someone whom I feel I wanted to maintain friendship with anyway. That's how things were for me at the office. She's also the one who told me that she disliked me right from the day I started work there, because she disliked the lady I replaced, and that she feels I am quite similar in many ways to that lady. Duh... Childish & Immature. Then, after that, she became friendly and said someone pointed out to her that its not fair for her to stereotype me to my predecessor, and so then she finds me quite nice to work with. Then, she blows hot and cold but I just ignore it, treating her as just another little girl who is childish and immature. Things were friendly on the surface on my last day, but I just don't get why she needs to delete or even block me. I'm not even stalking her. Anyway, enough about her.

Hence, since 2nd Sep I've been home. I felt lost and depressed for awhile, as well as feeling anxious about finances. Jeff was very supportive and gave me encouragements. I was also chatting over MSN with ET and really cried hard when she cheered me on and encouraged me. Shirl was also there for me, giving me useful advice and affirmations. Other pals, including Charlie, Carol, Michelle, Aslilia from MH were there for me as well. What surprised me most was the support that came from mum. I thought she'll be upset with me, but she was not. She was glad I left the company as she felt it really wasn't worth it. She felt I deserve something better. My bro was also concerned - called me up to catchup on what's the situation, and prayed for me.

Earlier this week, I finally had my first job interview. It was for a HR Manager position with a US MNC in Flavours and Fragrance business. It went ok, and I'm not too excited about this job. That's because I will need to handle A-Z on all HR matters including the medical claim, leave, filing etc for 200 over staff, including alternating between 2 locations - the office and the manufacturing plant.

Next week, I'll have another interview for a HR position with a US MNC in the life sciences industry. The job sounds good, but I do feel kinda inadequate for the position. Nevertheless, I will go for the interview and will then be able to get a clearer picture of what the role requires. Hopefully, it would be a job fit for me.

In the meanwhile, I hope there will still be other opportunities opening up for me!!!

Ok, that's all for now. Will go take a break, and maybe a nap. Hurhurhurhurhur...

The 4 Letter word named WORK

Had a really REALLY REALLY bad day at work.

First of all, last night, I worked late to complete all the backlogs of paperworks.

Got home 11pm plus, had dinner and showered, its already midnight.

Was on the phone with Jeff, and again, he is moody because I worked late.

In the end, I felt hurt and disappointed by his sarcasm and unhappiness over my working late, and had to cry myself to sleep.

It's tough enough to have to take a low pay that hardly make ends meet, have so much to do, got home late, and still have to defend and justify it to my love ones, begging for understanding and support. 

What the fuck! I used to have the freedom to work till 2am, though tired and felt over-worked-under-paid, yet at least have the peace of mind and satisfaction that I've fulfilled my responsibilities and put in an honest day's work. 

Sometimes I get a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, or sympathetic ear when I bitch about work, or someone saying he/she understands what I am going through, and encouraged me to hang on.

Now, I worry about how unhappy my guy is gonna be. I worry about how am I gonna explain my late night again. 

Why do I feel I am getting punished for working late?

Got in this morning, sat down at the office desk and cried again. 

I really hope I can find a new job soon that would work out for me.

Boss was not pleased when she handed me back the stack of all the paper work I've put up for her to sign.

She said, I should never give her all these at one go to sign, because it takes up SO MUCH of her time to go through and sign them.

How about the 4 hours I put in just to get all these paperwork done? OMG!!!!!! I can't believe my ears!!

And, with that, Boss had a "talk" with me.

The talk did not end well.

First, she could not understand why I am stressed and don't seem to be coping with all the work.

OMG!!! I'm functioning as her full time secretary, full time department admin assistant, and a HR Specialist at the pay rate of peanuts!

Then, when we spoke about one of the projects, she got angry and started to show her colors and displeasure, because she was under the wrong impression that I have gone ahead to confirm hotels and such - which I had not. No time to look into this project yet, and had been unable to get the time to sit down with her to go through all the details. She's been travelling extensively, and when she's around, her schedules are packed from early morning till evening. My emails are non-stop getting instructions from her to work on things, followup on issues, collating and chasing for data from the countries etc. I was also working on fire-fighting mode.

Yet, now, she don't understand why???? hahahaha.. I am speechless.

That's why I am now sitting here, blogging and crying silently at my desk during lunch hour, via email.

I wish to quit, but I need the money.

Yet, right now, my confidence is really shaken. Can't I do a junior admin person's job well even?

Boss said I do very good work, very detailed and complete. However, I guess, she has a problem with how fast I turnaround things.

I want to take the responsibility, accept the blame. But how can I?

I felt that it is unfair to expect me to be running all these projects independently within 2 months of joining.

I felt that I am bogged down by all the secretarial and admin responsibilities that goes on daily.

I felt that she does not have a realistic take on the necessary time/complexity/paperwork that needs to go into each issues.

Or perhaps, its just me. 

This is fast becoming a pattern. It seems.

In my last job, it didn't work out. 

This, a much easier job, still is not working out.

Am I so bad at it?

I really feel that I can do better, and shine, at a real HR role. 

No more secretarial/admin support roles for me next.

I feel so miserable right now.

If I were to pour my heart to Jeff now about how I'm feeling and crying, will I get an unhappy tone and "I told you so"?

Or will he comfort me and tell me to hang on, he's here for me, and encourage me to keep hoping and trying for a better job?

Anyway, I know he loves me and wants me to be happy, feeling the pain that I need to work hard. So, I'll understand if he is unable to react in the way I prefer a friend or darling would.

Sigh.. I need a hug.

I sincerely hope, the job that the MichaelPage Consultant shared with me about last week will bring me favourable news soon.

The Consultant contacted me about an Asst HR Manager role, reporting to a Regional HR Director, and supervising a HR Administrator.

The role's job description and the expectations of the Regional HR Director is really a match to what I am seeking for, except that I do not have experience in SAP HR. However, I am confident that I can pick up SAP HR without much problem. So, hopefully, the recruiter will be willing to see me for an interview, and hopefully I will be successfully selected for the position.

Then I will give my 2 weeks notice, and get out of this miserable job.

Otherwise, I just hope that the opportunity at ET's company would open soon and perhaps there is the chance I could move there. It will be so great to work with ET again, and Aslilia! 

May God bless me!!

Perhaps, it is time to get down on my knees and pray.

The prodigal son (daughter) is eating shit when even the servants at the Father's house have brownies as dessert.  (-_-)

Oh, I need a new rainbow!

Today, I will leave at 6pm sharp and be home in time for Singapore Idol.

*self hug*

Tweetie

BMW!! Lousy day at work

Sigh... what to say? I'm beginning to feel quite strongly that this very secretarial role in my new company is not working out fine for me!

 

It is really tough adjustment to "play secretary" to a female lady who is not easy to pleased.

 

Neither am I really a good secretarial material. In fact, I am starting to really HATE managing the calendars and conference calls and people enquiring with me on her availability. It may be easy shit for others, but I find it really such a stinking piece of shit. Making it worse is my boss - sigh... don't wanna elaborate, but I am not feeling so motivated today. In fact, right now, I am upset!!!

 

I want to go home. But .... I can't!!

The entire day (other than a nice lunch at Bakerzin with my 2 really nice colleagues who made my day) has been spent on calendars calendars calendars.  OMG I wanna scream!!!!! I think I'd rather be swimming in a deep pool in another company managing all the operational HR stuff, which is also shit, but perhaps at a higher pay rate and getting the feel that I'm really doing work.

 

I didn't expect myself to feel this way, honestly.

I thought i wouldn't mind being an administrator again, but the Job description certainly made the job look attractive.

The Company's reputation, benefits and perks are some of the retaining factor too.

However, these are things I am very willing to forego if the job scope really don't work out for me.

I feel like a useless secretary, and absolutely no excellence nor confidence. Honestly, it is really not my forte to babysit someone else's calendar, appointments, etc.

 

Though boss clarified that she does not need me to monitor her appointments, but how do I detach myself from that?

People whom she's supposed to call and meet are calling me up to check if she's done, or when she's done can i please give a call to inform them so they can call in, ...

Worse thing is, I had to negotiate for a slot for her today at a certain time. And since she said she dont want reminders nor prompts, I tried not to do so. However, 15mins passed the appointment time and she has not yet made a move to the other office (10mins walk), and the other big shot's PA expects me to be monitoring and keeping tabs or updating the parties. GRRRRRRRR~!!!!! When I inform her that she'll be 30mins late, I got a tick-off from her that she does not need to be prompted and didn't she just clarified that the day before! I felt like such a chow kaypoh and a nuisance to her!! Geez!!! Yet, she does not understand that I need to keep other parties updated. When i try to explain that the other PA has stressed that the appointment should be kept in time, she told me that if the PA has a problem with that, just ask if the PA wants to have a word with her.

 

.... ....... ..... ..

 

I'm speechless.

Absolutely uncomfortable.

And I'm pissed off!!

 

Anyway, I called that PA to inform her that my boss will be late, and apologised about it.

 

SIGH... I HATE IT!!!

 

And then, there are other little unpleasantness of the day in other matters that really frustrates me.

 

Sigh... sigh... sigh....

 

I don't want to give up so easily, I don't want to run away from difficulties. I don't want another "short term" job that didn't work out.

Yet, how do I solve this situation?

 

I can't imagine when the new Director starts her project and the other new Director joins and starts his projects!! They will all look to me for support. During then, can I manage a very PA-dependent Boss and 2 other Directors?

 

Good question.

 

The salary rate is so not worth it.

Yes I'm bitching and moaning and whining. BMW!!!!

 

And now, back to work. *&^%$#@!!!

 

I've dunnit!

Yes I've done it~!! I've sent in the letter last Wednesday, and tomorrow, 17 Dec 2008 will be my final day at the office.

With Jeff's help, I've managed to pack and send my stuff back home on Sunday... and there just remain a few more items we will shift home tonight.

Sent out a broadcast email to my colleagues last evening to inform them of my leaving. Received a few heartfelt responses that left me feeling touched.. sad... and encouraged. I guess I have under-estimated again, the level of favour people have towards me. A reminder, we often under-estimate how much we may mean to the people in our lives. Really gotta treasure and cherish it and not take things & people for granted.

I feel sad to have saddened the hearts of a few really nice folks, which I hope to continue keeping in contact. I've also had a few heartfelt chats with colleagues who would soon become friends, hehee..

I do feel the reluctance to leave, when I see how by staying on I can help.. and all the things that need to be done - who's gonna do them? But I do know clearly as well that I gotta move on.

I will miss the Levono R61 laptop I'm currently using at work, and the smiles of my colleagues, the fun folks from 8th floor I spend the most time with, and the pals I have from the 9th floor.

Well, I just can't help feeling sentimental.. :)

I'm now just gonna try to close as many chapters as I can for the unfinished tasks, and to prepare the handover matters and reminders.

Tomorrow... will be a good day.

And Thursday will be AWESOME!!!! yey!!!!

And Yes, Tweetie will then find time to blog and update on all the recent fun and moments shared with family & friends, and a very special someone... *wink*

Undecisive

Have been pondering a whole lot on a decision regarding my job. Asking myself questions after questions, considering the consequences, talking to close pals and wise old people. However, I've still not come to any conclusion. My mind kept changing, and I have mixed feelings.

Lately, I have begun feeling endless frustrations, and am highly irriatable and coming to a certain breaking point, finding it hard to tolerate anymore. Well, this would have been the 3rd time I've burnout and reached breaking point since I started work here. It's coming to six months... and at this point I just don't think it will get any better for me in this role.

Am I making too big a deal out of the situations?

I just know I no longer look at things positively, nor I do feel positive. I tried to motivate myself, I read some self-help books too, but... hehehe.. somehow I am finding it hard to apply the principles. Or rather, the unwillingness grows.

It is no longer a joy, and neither is it fun. Neither do I feel I am making positive contributions. Where is the satisfaction that comes with a job well done? I had enough. Really. And I've been saying " I HAD ENOUGH!" more and more often.

So, when do I take the action?
I've set the deadline to make the decision by next week, and yet now, I am thinking of bringing it forward to even today. That feels too impulsive. But how can it be impulsive when I've been seriously considering it for almost a month?

Well, some people I talked to said.. just take a break and you'll be fine. However, I feel that after the break, I probably won't wanna return, LOL. After a refreshing shower, I wouldn't wanna wear back the sour smelling clothes if I can help it, or go straight back to some smelly hole.

Sigh... but really, I keep trying to remind myself : Things are only as bad as you choose to see it. If I choose to see things more positively, perhaps it will be bearable.
If I don't take work seriously, perhaps it is fine to be "lost" and not doing an excellent job.
If I don't really care about performance, perhaps it if fine if all my bosses are frustrated and unhappy with how I suck at my job and finds me incompetent.

But, I mind.
I derive satisfaction and motivation from a job well done, and need to feel that I am contributing.

I guess, I am guilty of being too self-critical and places too high an expectation on myself.
Oh dear.. so then what do i do??? What would be the right thing to do??


And how about finances?
Can I cope with the minimal savings?
Can I find something new and comparable?
Am I making a foolish decision?
Are things really that bad or is it just me?

I think, it is me.
And that is good enough reason, perhaps.
I really don't wanna be blaming every other damn thing in the world.
Oops, self-blame is not exactly healthy either, LOL!

Anyway, I have to decide what makes me happy.

There is definitely something good and beautiful here, but that is only about 30% of it. The rest of it - the remaining 70% - is what drives me crazy, enough to leave me fuming, frustrated and in anguish - frequently.

Yea yea.. I still think its me.
Yet, it is probably just a mismatch in culture and mismatch in job.
Everyone is cut out for different roles and have different preferences and style.
I just have to admit that it is not working out for me here.

Sigh.

I will still wait till next week, and take a few more days to think about it, I guess.

I have a feeling, a bad feeling that next week will again be chaotic. It might make it harder for me to make a decision. :(

I guess, I don't wanna spoil anyone's long weekend by triggering it today either. I will aim for mid week to break the news next week - provided I've made the final decision.

I'd be a happier person soon. I'm optimistic about that, at least. :)
I will (hopefully) go to the gym, go swim, go for walks - to get back in shape, lose some fats.
I will (hopefully) go for short holidays, go spa, go massage, go for medi & pedicure, go pamper myself.
I will (hopefully) clear up the clutter in my room, which for a long time I have had no time to give it any attention.
I will (hopefully) spend quality time with my love ones and close friends, and fulfill the promises I have given to catch up and get more involve with life.
I will (hopefully) take up some courses or go learn something new, of interest, pick up a new skill.

Then, go seek a new employer. Lesser pay, nevermind. Lower rank, nevermind.
As long as I can be happy.

Ok, daydreaming over.

And now, to get back to work. =_=

Changes

CHANGES.

I feel, its time to call for MAJOR CHANGES in my life.
I need to do some critical evaluation and decide what to do.

Work has taken its toll on me.
I've neglected my family, my friends who are close to my heart, my personal life and health.
Time to do something about it. Really really do something about it.
Time to decide what matters, and what don't.
Time to move on and do what is right for me.

(=.=) .... sigh...

Am sick and on MC for 3 days since Monday.
MC = Medical Certificate and meant "Sick Leave" in Singapore, not "Menstrual Cycle" as asked by my foreign exboss once, when he was informed that an employee's having MC for the day. (I had a good laugh!!!!)

I'm on sick leave for a couple of reasons, mainly because I was bitten by some insects - suspected Sandflies - altogether about 12 red angry bites, on the feet and lower back. Don't know how it happened and where it happened. But during the weekend I paid a visit to the new Marina Barage, and was also at my ex-company's BBQ event held at Bayshore Park Condo. Took a walk and sat down somewhere for a chat, and possibly there may have been a pile of sand or soil infested with sandflies ???!!??? -_- sigh.. i'll never really know.

Anyway, the bites kept me up awake and scratching all night on Sunday, and somehow developed fever. Saw doctor on Monday and went home with a load of medication. Of which, was a bottle of Lice Lotion, to be applied all over the body after shower, and to let it dry on the skin naturally, and not to wash or bathe within the next 24 hours. hummmff... that's kinda disturbing, because it was suspected that I might have lice or some kinda skin parasite biting me. Worst, all beddings gotta be washed and if possible, family members should also be protected by having the lotion applied. Wah lauuuuuuuuuuuu~!!!!!!! Scary siah~!!!!

Doc also gave me Augmentin to treat the infections, as well to target the scalp acne breakouts possibly due to stress. Sigh.. my body's really breaking down due to burning out and stress. I was also given Atarax, for helping me to sleep in view of the itchings. I took one on monday night before sleeping - and thanks to it, I was fully drugged and woozy for the entire Tuesday. I could only wake and manage to make my way to the toilet to pee once in the morning, woke up again at noon when dad asked me about lunch - which I told him I was too giddy to move out of bed.. and finally, around 6pm, I was able to get out of bed, still feeling drugged and blur, but able to see straight and read words on screen.

Work.
Work. work. work.
Sigh.... this is one major problem.

On Monday night, I returned to office despite feeling unwell, to sort out a few matters and take my office laptop so I can work from home. Also, I have a conference all with Europe at 10pm which lasted an hour, and after that called one my CFO lady boss because more urgent data has been requested and needs to be submitted by the next afternoon (Tuesday)! FUCK!!!!!! I'm on sick leave, and I'm not well and how do I manage it????? Sigh..... I felt totally helpless, yet knows that I'm holding a managerial position and that is expected of me.

Stress kept me up a little till i popped the Atarax pill - Never did I expect that I can't see straight the next day, ho ho ho... and so, can't submit the data.

After the late breakfast+lunch at 6pm (mum woke me up and got me out to the coffeeshop to eat something), I logged on to work. No data has come in for me, and finally around 9pm, my CFO lady boss sent me 2 emails that didnt include the data, but told me to have to make sure i check this against that, and i need to get this or that data from another person. F%$#&!!!!!!! I was pissed off!!!!! I mean, please let me have the data so i can meet the deadline, there is no time to check this and check that!!!! Stop all the politics!!! ..... yet, the politics are necessary... to save jobs. Sigh.....

Anyway, i feel so lost. Lost in all these. And indeed, I feel discouraged again. I really DO NOT enjoy my job anymore. In fact, I feel that i am starting to resent it, and thats not good. I prefer things more straightforward and clear cut. And if being a manager means playing with all these ambiguity, then, I'd rather downgrade and take on something lighter. Fuck potential! Fuck all the "loss". It's really not worth it. I'm really unhappy!!!

To makes things worse..... today (Wednesday), I started having diarrhea~!!! (-_-)"
Started about 5am, together with more itches with the bites, and a worsen sinus infection. Called Doc and was told it could be due to side effects of the antibiotics. Oh well, if that's the case, then I'm not too worried. Called my lady boss again, and she didnt sound happy. Well, i dont blame her... yet, i don't feel good about the tone of her voice. I asked her again for the data because I've asked for extended deadline of 1 more day from Europe HQ and absolutely would need to send the report in. Again, instead of sending me the figures she wants me to do some analysis checks. This time, I felt really difficult... because I am really not feeling so well, I dont feel i am able to do analysis work. Somehow, she mumbled something about checking something herself and will call me back. Till now, i've not heard from her. I will call her soon, right after I pour this frustration out of my mind.

Talked to ET for a little while, and received some words of wisdom and affirmation from her. I really needed that.

Right now, I think... I will actively seek new employment.
I will be open to short term positions.
I will take on jobs that pay me a lower (much much lower) salary, but at least give me my work-life balance back.

And I should do so before Christmas.

My probation period is up on 30 Dec. Before confirmation is 1 week's notice. After confirmation will be 2 months' notice... it will be highly difficult to leave.

I dread that by doing so, I will add to the present crisis, and will be letting a few people down - especially The Dutch boss, who had believed in me. Sigh.. the CFO Lady boss has been kind as well, but I really have to "Shut Up, Move On". It's not their fault, I will take on the responsibility. I feel it is a job mismatch perhaps? Really, I feel that I am unable to cope with the stress that comes with a managerial position in this company. I am tired, I am feeling burnout, and I am not happy with my performance.

Time to tighten my belt, cut on expenses. I will be expecting a big paycut for my next job. But I think, I will be happier, and will get to work more decent hours. I look forward to being able to plan my time again and having some freedom without the burden that is constantly on my back - that something's still not done, and its not done because i have no fucking idea how to do it, and I'm too tired to think about it now. I want to leave that behind.

Enough time giving this job a try. The challenge has proven overwhelming, and I should be honest enough to admit defeat. The hardest part is letting go - of the "glamour", of the "personal office room", of the comfortable salary (nah, its never enough, I'd love to be paid more - but can I deliver and perform what's expected?). Also, I just hope the bosses don't try to hold me back again, but let me go. I think, in the present time and situation, they should make me redundant, LOL! Yes, it will be cheap because I'm too new in the company to be paid any severance benefit.

Ok, now, back to work. At least I've sort out some thoughts here.

Not sure how things will pan out again. I might just be too negative or pessimistic at the moment. But honestly, I really do think that I will not regret leaving this job, though it is stupid to do such a thing during an economic downturn and when most company has freezed their hiring, especially for General & Admin functional positions. Sigh.......

I should do the right thing for myself.

The company is good, just job does not fit me - I don't fit the job.

A funny car sign I found says :
"BORN TO PARTY -- FORCED TO WORK"

How true!!!!! hahahaa!!

Bed of thorns & some roses

Sigh..

Working late again and taking a moment to crap a little online.
Glad there's facebook and msn to keep me sane sometimes, linking me to the outside world other than just work work work.

Another week has passed by and its been 2 weeks since I last posted. During which, there had been really fine moments of fun - especially with newly acquainted friends like Uncle Jeffie, who have been truly caring and supportive, encouraging, and making me laugh like hell. There's also Alex, my new "buddy" from the UK who contributes to interesting & heart-warming chat moments from time to time. Not forgetting my base & foundation of pals.. : TwinkleStar my bestest friend (*mmuacks~*), Michelle and Princess who are my "playmates & buddies", my sweet & cool cousin Serine who's currently staying with us, and many others (hehehhee.. sorry if your name is not mentioned. You can always leave a comment here saying "and Me me me me me!!!" LOL~!)

Wooo!~ Felt great again after counting my blessings, I'll recommend it to anyone that's feeling negative.

Still, back to the subject of worklife... it has certainly been a bed of thorns. Totally uncomfortable and pricking. True there are moments of fun, but reality is still as harsh and cruel. The job needs to get done.

This evening, I sat at my office desk, in front of my PC, and sobbed..
I needed to cry and let it out, because I totally feel stressed out and frustrated and helpless and exhausted and overwhelmed.
It has been one crisis after another that spell "URGENT, DO IT NOW" or "IT'S NEEDED SINCE YESTERDAY" for me.
I felt so sick and tired of late night working, with most part of the days being stuck in meetings and discussions and conversations that are necessary and important and long.

Things are happening at home that requires my attention, as well as attention required from people around me and for myself. I need time to take care of me too, I can't have my personal life fall apart! I am beginning to long for a more relaxed life with less things to worry about. No, i don't mean a problem-free life, because I am solutions oriented, i enjoy solving problems (for other people, LOL!) and only a dead man does not have problems. Yet, i wonder at the choices I have for the moment.

For now, I have - in a way - recommitted myself to the job. We are working out a system that we hope might work. But what adds to the stress and frustration, is that i have no time or energy to set that system up and running and to maintain it and remain discipline in keeping it in check. I'm still being seized left and right by urgent matters and meetings and all, and not in control of my schedule. The system is supposed to update the management of all the activities which are on my plate, and the stages for it to be done, and which action items are prioritised for when. However, since the day I walked out of the meeting last wednesday, it's been a week and I have not yet updated the worksheets. Because, there have been more meetings and more crisis.

I told my ex-boss that I miss those days where I report only to one boss and one company/business unit, and miss having a day that I can just feel I am on top of things and knows the status of each outstanding matter and what to do next. Being able to go home or plan activities for the evenings or weekends with some peace of mind. Right now I'm just fire fighting and not coping. I only go home when I'm too tired, yet worried sick that things are not yet done, calls not yet made, mails not yet replied, research not yet done, employee not yet spoken to, matters not yet followed-up, bosses not yet updated..... and meetings crowding up my daily 8hour workday - which only means staying behind to take care of matters.

Bosses are wondering what i have been doing -- that's not good. One of them said to me, maybe he should sit next to me for a day just to see what goes on. That's bloody insulting, but I hope he meant well. Ultimately, it clearly implies that he is bloody wondering what do I do for the whole day because in the end, he don't see me producing the work he has expected from me.

Even if I've been mucking around in Facebook, I couldn't have done it for the whole day, hahahahahahaa.... and as for msn, only a few chats here and there in between. In the evening, I'm just pure exhausted, and things just slow down. Ok, I'm whining so much.. blehhhhhh....

Really, today.. the thought of quitting is back on my mind.
However, it does seem that the job market is not too hot at the moment. Also, I feel responsible. Someone needs to solve these issues, and I am the only one to "help". Sigh..

Read something in the book S.U.M.O. tonight while waiting for dinner to be served:
SUMO WISDOM
-- "What you focus on, magnifies"
-- "Perhaps it is not the circumstances that needs to change, but your perspective of the circumstances

Indeed, like what a friend used to tell me : Things are only as bad as you choose to see it. Hmm... so.... Be positive!! Be Optimisitc!~ HANG ON!!!

Ok, enough said for tonight. Gotta get back to work.

For all my friends who have been supportive and concerned.. a heartfelt thank you.

Tweetie will be OK. I will pull through.. (hahaha.. I'm actually not very convinced, hahahahah!!!)

Oh yeah.. I forgot about the roses... the sunny side of life.. ^^

Well, I've managed to catch a few good movies past 2 weeks : Mamma Mia (again), Big Stan, Burn After Reading. Big Stan was hilarious!!!! I totally love Rob Sneider (ok pardon the bad spelling) and i find the humour brilliant! Burn After Reading is not too bad either.. kind of slow in the beginning but later on as the plot thickens it becomes kinda hilarious. I love Brad Pitt, he's so cute doing such a role and I find it really ticklish. George Cloony too, very different from the cool intelligent sexy smooth roles he played in most other movies. hehehe...

I've also tried working (bringing my laptop and work documents and parking at a table, near the electrical points) at West Coast MacDonalds over the past 2 weekends. It was lots of fun to work alongside with a friend, and terribly bad for my waistline because I kept feeding myself with food, but at least the place has air-con and gives me a relaxing alternative location other than the office to do my work. However, it was really tiring , because i "worked" overnight - thanks to the 24hours operation, hehehhehe..

Was also out for 2 "Prata Sessions" lately. First occasion with Princess & Uncle Jeffie, where we TCSS so much that we're in stitches with too much laughing. Second time was with Michelle and Uncle Jeffie, this time we took some pictures, LOL.. But now, I think those 2 occasions have gratified my Prata cravings for the next 3 years, hehee.. and I seriously need to go on diet. Too much fat and carbo ... I must have put on 3kgs since July. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!!!!!

Oh well, that made me frustrated too, because I would love to find time to go gym after work. Sigh...

Whatever it is, i must go on. Work still needs to be done tonight, and I just hope to be able to stay up and be active till 4am to get as much done as possible. Yes, I've had dinner, the Chicken Thai Kway Teow from the Cream Bistro downstairs. Quite nice! I think they probably know me as the lady who ate dinner there at least 3x per week. oh, Sad.

Alright, will update soon, whenever.. whatever! ^^

Yumm... Comfort Food for Tweetie

Okee.. *burp~*


Just ate yet another bowl of my recent favorite Katsudon from Cream Bistro at Pacific Plaza ground level. So far, it has not failed me in terms of flavour...


Each time I feel so stressed up or lousy, especially in the evening at the office pending a late night work hour.. I'll head down to "de-stress" with this wonderful warm bowl of Katsudon, with a request for extra eggs.



Katsudon (Cream Bistro)


They didn't use japanese rice.. just normal rice, but i think its the sauce - sweet enough and really tasty. The other really nice bowl of such dons I ate recently was at Vivocity while out with a friend after watching a Movie together. Damn... that was one memorable bowl of rice as well, the egg was perfect! Chicken pieces were tender and juicy.. Oooohhh and we were sharing. Yumm... hehehe... Woah feeling hungry again. Gotta try it again next time I return to Vivo. It's at the Shino-watever restaurant.. where they have grilled skewered meat. OK, nevermind, I'm never good at remembering names and such. And I'm toooo lazy right now to go do research for actual names.

Haha.. and during dinner, someone was appointed as my new bitching post. The brand new Tweetie BMW Garage. kekekekeke.. poor thing.

Oh yes, bought my favourite Rum & Raisin White Choc Nuts from Canele as well. That's the 1st thing I headed across to buy before returning to have dinner at Cream Bistro. Will have a piece of that bite of happiness. Heck, will have to worry about waistline later.. (oh.. bad.. bad.. bad.. hehehehe..)

Bought a bottle of Japanese Dessert Wine too. Will bring home to share with mum and Serine. They'll love it!!!!

Alright... time start work soon, and hope to leave office by 11pm - perhaps. Hmm... make it midnight. =.= sigh.....

Arrgghh~! Mad Monkey back on my head!

Arrgggghhh...~!!

So unhappy I is. I is so unhappys. -_-

Just back from a meeting.. guess what, the joke is.. HQ bosses disagreed that I can be fired by Mad Monkey and so, I'm back to serving all again. I wanna whine whine whine ....!!! *pout*

All that self talk about having courage to stand for myself. Hiaz... but still, good to have at least that backbone. Nevertheless, I still have a choice -- resign. But nay, not my style to do that.

So for now, my fate is once again in the hands of all. But the comforting thought is, all my other 4 bosses are very supportive and understanding, and they are telling me that it is impossible for me to know everything and do everything by myself, and definitely help is needed, and they know that it is not easy to be juggling so many things and priorities.

As much as I am uncomfortable with the way things will move forward, and the system that will be put in place to help manage this function, I will embrace it as a growing and learning process. But really, I am not whistling a happy tune liao. Feel kinda sian.. sian.. sian.. deflated.. hummfffrr..

Well, I gotta stop my BMW (Bitching, Moaning, Whining), and do my SUMO (Shut Up, Move On). And yes, I'm not a victim. I will overcome, I will survive!!! Meowrrr.. (tomorrow, I will roar louder, I promise). -.-"

Another day of back-to-back meetings and nothing getting done. Looks like it will be another late night at the office. I really hope this will change soon. Otherwise, one week's notice. hehehee.. Now that's a happy thought! ^^

*self hug*

Grrrr.. must not let this get me down. I is strong. I is OK!! I is hungry!!!! I must has Prata again!! *yummm.......*

When will work be fun again? Hmmm.. tomorrow, maybe! Hehehe.. gonna be out in the evening with the colleagues to celebrate 2 birthdays. ^^ happy thoughts, happy thoughts!!

And now, back to work.

Boundaries!!

Hmm... despite the "good news" that I've been fired by Mad Monkey, this morning I received an email stating another task or request from him. Hmm.... ??????

So in my puzzlement, I highlighted it to my 3 other bosses, and they've asked me to send them a formal email asking for clarification on who are my stakeholders and job focus areas. "In the Beginning", I have about 5 stakeholders, or bosses. I'll tag them as (1) Lady Boss, (2) Dutch Boss, (3) Mad Monkey, (4) Senior Boss, and (5) HQ Boss. Yes... that many people. This fulfilled the scriptures "Supervisors are many, but the Labourers are few". Poor Tweetie, hahahaha!!

So Senior Boss wrote back to me that it is clear that I nolonger will assist in any new files o rmatters for Mad Monkey's Business, but for "old files" (i.e. outstanding matters) to close it in a timely manner.

Mad Monkey then replied that those were objectives and tasks he have assigned to me since mid-July, not "new", but "outstanding".

What the....?

Anyway, I feel strongly that agreeing to it will be stupid, and will make no difference to me. I was ready to quit and one of the reasons was that I no longer wish to handle anymore matters required by Mad Monkey - because it is thankless, and at the end of the day, he rewards you by terrorising, threatening, humiliating and insulting you when he don't get his way. Yes, there will be an evident attitude problem on my part to refuse in attending to any outstanding matters communicated to me "since July", but I feel that if I wanna move on to the new set priorities and be able to cope, I should state the boundaries and I should at least attempt to make a stand. I hold my head up high in pushing back.

Hence I wrote back to Senior Boss, and state that I would highly prefer not to continue with matters pertaining to Mad Monkey's Business and gave a status of what was outstanding -- 2 main items only.

I dont know what the outcome will be, but I think, if at the end of the day, these items remained on my plate, I would still be happy that I voiced out my preference. Right now I only wonder, if I stand my ground in refusing to handle the job, what are the consequences? I was ready to quit, so what do I stand to lose? At the most, my reputation as an employee with a professional and positive attitude. Blehhhh... not worth keeping over a lousy Monkey Boss. Let me live with some dignity no matter how stupid it will seem to the world. Hummff!!! TMD, I not happy to do it, ok?? Kick my ass out and still want me kneeling down to finish the job? No way!! Out means out!! No need proper closure for this case.

I only hope my heart will continue have the courage to stand my ground. It is not easy. And I hate things to be political. However, I think, I need to do this for me. If no one is fighting for my benefit, I will be my only warrior. Rawrrr!!!

Tweetie, be bold, be strong, be brave, be courageous!!!

Fired by the Mad Monkey!

Haha.. guess what? I got the sack today! I'm fired by the Mad Monkey!!

Yihawwwwww~!!! hahaahahaahahaa~!!! OMG!!!!
THIS IS SUCH GREAT NEWS!!!!
Yes, hahaha!!!! Just what I was wishing for!!!! Can't believe it'll happen so soon!
I was still dreading every minute that Mad Monkey will come yelling at me or throwing his horrible remarks out at me and threatening again for putting me or someone else out of a job.

Shhhh.... sorry, can't say too much about it... will be a career limiting move if Mad Monkey found out, hehehe.. (just ask me personally ok? I'll explain!)

Anyways, I'm OK! Still got a job! An even better job!!! I'm so happy!!!

Well, the road ahead will be very challenging...
Had a meeting with my bosses this afternoon (the other 2 main shareholders). Lots of things still needs to be done, and all are still as important, but together - we will work out the way to make it successful. They definitely believe in my competency and my ability to work, with a few areas of improvements in keeping closer & frequent communication and update on priorities, progress and what's been done.

I definitely feel very very positive about this change! Oh my.... this is fantastic!!!!

Yeah!!!

Just wanna celebrate this moment!!!!
I'm Fired!!! And I don't even need to lift a finger to be fired!!!

COOL! What a wonderful Monday!!!!

I look forward to going to work tomorrow!
YES yes YES!!!!!!!!